Beauty from the Muck

My world got rocked this week. I'm in shock and am more or less in damage control mode. We will survive this because that is what I want, but we're going to have to wade through a lot of shit before we get to the other side. The image of the lotus has been at the forefront of my mind the last couple days.

I've always thought the lotus was a neat flower. Recently a friend was having a rough year and she shared with me the story of the lotus. The lotus is unique because, as Confucian scholar Zhou Dunyi wrote, "I love the lotus because while growing from mud, it is unstained." It rises above its environment, it controls itself, and it is truly a beautiful flower.

Life is often a series of muck and yuck. I so want to rise above it and remain unstained. Lord, that I might have the strength to suffer well and come out the other side unstained and victorious.

*****

"Yet the beauty of His grace is only highlighted and magnified by our sin, and all the more beautiful for it!  And I can't help but think that the result of redemption and grace is all the more beautiful and appreciated than the perfectly created original." Beautiful words from a dear friend.

Year Five: I Still at Sea

Safe to Port (9th Century requiem for the Abbess of Grandestine – author unknown)

Thou hast come safe to port,
I still at sea

Flying Colours tribute flag.

The light is on thy head,

Darkness in me.

Pluck thou in Heaven’s field

Violet and rose,

While I strew flowers

That will thy vigil keep.

Thou hast come safe to port,

I still at sea

The light is on thy head,

Darkness in me.

While I strew flowers

That will thy vigil keep,

Where thou doest sleep

Love, in thy last repose.

Today is the seventh of May. It snuck up on me this year. On Sunday, as I drove out to the Interpretive Center and saw "Rhiannon's" tree up on the hill, my chest constricted. Just like that I became hyper-aware of the date and the significanc the next day would bring. I couldn't breathe. Five years later and my heart still stops and my eyes still well up with tears. Time doesn't heal all wounds.

The poem above was brought into my life in November. Michael Hoppe, a local composer, came across it while on vacation and set it to music. A connection introduced him to our choir, Voices of Hope, and we plan to record it sometime in the next year. It is hauntingly beautiful and I can not sing it without seeing Rhi's parents laying white roses out in the Atlantic on what would have been her 23 birthday - two months after her boat was lost at sea. It has become a truly cathartic song for me.

Peace friend. We remember.

Grace and Thanksgiving

Now as they were eating, Jesus took bread, and after blessing it broke it and gave it to the disciples, and said, “Take, eat; this is my body.” ²⁷ And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks he gave it to them, saying, “Drink of it, all of you, ²⁸ for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. ~ Matthew 26:26-28, ESV

This morning, while riding MAX, I started reading the book I picked up almost a week ago. Since it is an actual book and not an audiobook it has taken me awhile to get to it. The title, One Thousand Gifts, deals with subject matter I've been especially interested in as of late: grace, living fully and intentionally. How apropos that chapter 2 ("a word to live... and die by") should dovetail so sweetly with these things and also teach me a new word: eucharisteo.

Yes, I am familiar with the term eucharist as it is used in the Catholic Church (which I am not familiar with) as the serving of communion. Ann Voskamp broke the word down into it's Greek origins - root words for grace and thanksgiving sandwiched together - and it made me look at the gospel in a new light. On the night of his betrayal - before he was tortured, crucified, separated from the Father - He gave thanks.

If Christ made it a priority to give thanks before his darkest hour, it behooves me to give thanks in my every day, mundane things. This is the message I will take with me as Semana Santa gives way to the glory of Resurrection Day.

May we all live fully in eucharist, giving thanks for every thing every day and extending grace.

Dr. Seuss Wisdom

“Be who you are and say what you feel,

because those who mind don't matter,

and those who matter don't mind.”

― Dr. Seuss

 

My best friend sent me the quote above after I had a difficult start to the morning. Over the last couple years I have been trying to find my voice again. This morning I was challenged and considered deleting a blog post that I consider one of the best pieces I've ever written. To do so would have been to silence a piece of me, so in the end I left it. It is a part of my family history and it has affected, and is still affecting, us. I will not recant how I felt in that moment, nor how the story has played out. You are correct: it cannot be undone. None of it can.

 

I don't know who sent me the message. If it is the person I suspect, despite it all I love you. You have been a part of my life for years and I honor that. My heart hurts that you would leave such an angry anonymous note instead of talking to me directly. The picture of you, my brother, and I in the Armory stairwell is still one of my most beloved pictures. Aside from the accusations, I don't know what transpired to cause such a drastic relational shift, but I think if you were to take a look at the history you would find the accusations mute.  I am sorry life has dealt you a crappy hand over the last year. It is my prayer you find healing for the hurts you carry and find comfort in those who love you.

 

If you are not someone I have a history with I don't know what to say that won't sound completely condescending, which is not my intent. You don't know me and I don't know you, so it is a leap to expect you to know my heart. It is clear I have offended you and it seems I have a very different picture of the course of events than you do. What I do know is myself, my family, and those who matter to me. I hope what you described was a gross exaggeration. If it was not, I hope you have people in your life who recognize that you are struggling and will rally around you. In the case you don't or they can't, it is my prayer you will see that there is always hope and find a way out yourself and make a better tomorrow.

 

Don't give up.

Wordless Wednesday: I Did It With Help from My Friend

13.1 mi - BAM!

My One Word

February is almost over and today I came across a quote that embodies my one word for 2012: Grace.

Grace is a concept and word I've been thinking about since late December. Words that come to mind when I think of grace are kindness, love, beauty,  forgiveness, charity, mercifulness. These are characteristics I want to build up in my life.

In 2012, I commit:

• To live every moment of every day believing the best instead of the worst.
• To extend compassion when anger rises.
• To be honest and gentle at the same time.
• To remember we all have a story that shapes who we are and why we do what we do.

Blessings

What if my greatest disappointment is Your mercy in disguise?