Small Town Girl

Friday Pondering

2012-02-10T09:38:00.000-08:00

The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own.

No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, blame.

The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey -

and you alone are responsible for the quality of it.

This is the day your life really begins.

What is it that makes us feel like we aren't good enough or we are obligated to make others happy at the expense of our own well-being? These are things I wish I had an answer to.

History of Reading + I {heart} Audiobooks

2012-02-09T12:37:00.000-08:00

Once I learned how to read, which took me longer than most things to grasp, I devoured everything I could get my hands on. I read most of Nancy Drew, every Babysitter's Club book published until age 11 when I decided I just couldn't keep up (there are 131, not including seven off-shoots with 15+ titles each - insanity). The book fairs at school were nirvana and I listed the public library as my favorite place in town.

As time has passed, I wish more and more I had kept a record of the books I read. There is a particular book I remember bits and pieces of that I wish I could re-read as I might understand it better at 26 than I did at 9 (my reading material was not monitored as a child) and I think there should be a sequel as the ending was so weird. It may also be the reason I never really got into Sci-Fi. A couple years ago I started documenting the books I read, and the ones I want to read, and that has helped me greatly.

The amount of time I have available to read has fluctuated through the years, but it has always been a core part of my life. The night my Maid of Honor arrived at my house I was laying on my couch, surrounded by wedding favors, reading Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire. Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix kept me company in the pool lounge chair (in the water) while my new husband went up and down the pool slide.

Recently, I have had less time to read. I leave for work at 7 am, return home between 6-6:30 pm, try to spend some time with my husband, eat, work out, get to bed at a decent hour, etc. Life has happened and I'm trying to figure out where my reading time has gone.

While lamenting to my aunt about this, she suggested I start listening to audiobooks. I spend roughly 2 hours a day in my car, alone, and there are only so many songs and so many radio stations. I decided to give it a whirl and omigoodness has it changed my life! In the last month and a half I have "read" four books while on my commute. I still prefer curling up with a paperback, a blanket, and a kitty, but having someone read to me in the car is not a bad second option. (The trick is getting a reader whose voice isn't annoying. I will have to read "Lucky One" in print as the reader's voice was much too grating. All of Maeve Binchy's books are delightful on audio.)

So, if you can't find the time to read a book, go to your library and pick up an audiobook. It will rock your world, especially if you spend many an hour commuting.

What's on your reading list?

Run for Sherry: Why We Run

2012-02-02T10:22:00.000-08:00

I've been dabbling with running for about three years. Only recently have I felt comfortable saying, "I am a runner." It always felt fraudulent before. One thing I know without a doubt is I am part of the running community. I rejoice with every victory, extend comfort to the broken, and know they would do the same for me.

In the wake of Sherry Arnold's disappearance, the running community has come together in amazing ways. We have lost one of our own; Beth, of Shut Up And Run, has lost her cousin. Sherry went for a run and never came home. It is a runner's worst nightmare and her story has touched thousands worldwide.

On February 11 at 8 am PST, the running world will come together and Run for Sherry. We will run with Sherry's smiling face on a blue bib with a sketch of Montana.

We will run because we have lost one of our own.

We will run with our friends, our family, and solo.

We will dedicate races, trails, and miles to Sherry.

We will run because we know it could just as easily have been us.

We will run because it is when we feel most alive.

We will run because it's the one thing we can do.

We will run to heal. We will run to remember.

We will run so for a moment in time all the bad that has transpired will be replaced with the goodness of humanity - of community.

Will you join us and make the world move?

Q&A: Just for Fun

2012-01-31T14:45:00.000-08:00

Nicole at Marine Wife Unplugged tagged me in this and I'm happy to oblige... (Sorry the formatting is so weird. I finally let it win.)
The Rules

1. You must post the rules (and link up who tagged you).

2. Post eleven fun facts about yourself on the blog post.

3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you've tagged.

4. Tag however many people you want

5. Let them know you've tagged them!

11 Facts About Me

1. I enjoy a good hike, but about the only sure way to talk me into it is to promise a milkshake at the end.

2. Since childhood I have enjoyed eating oysters - pan fried, raw, steamed, whatever.

3. Sleep is my favorite thing.

4. I really want a redheaded child. Interestingly enough, my brother has shared that he is terrified of redheaded children under age 14.

5. Unassisted, I can only see three inches in front of my face clearly. I'm that blind.

6. I'm convinced I'm going to die in a car crash. I don't know why.

7. One day I want to have a self-sufficient household/farm. As of yesterday my dream includes animals of burden to till the land. I'm very Prairie House at heart.

8. I am one of the most empathetic people you will ever meet. True story.

9. I'm 5'3", but wear tall shoes to prevent having to hem my pants. This occasionally throws people off when I do wear flat shoes (which I would prefer to do, darn office job and dress pants).

10. I am married to the second (and last) man I dated.

11. Living in the Midwest for a year was the best worst thing I ever did.

Nicole's Questions For me

1. Have you ever told a stranger about salvation through Christ? Not that directly. I have shared my own beliefs with strangers and left the conversation open.

2. Have you ever been to a chiropractor? Nope, and trying to keep it that way. Though apparently I get discounted chiropractic services through work, so should I break myself during 1/2 marathon or relay training I have a less expensive way to get fixed.

3. When you first learned about PTSD, what did you think of it? It has always made sense to me and I was relieved to find it had a name.

4. Have you ever regretted being married? No, I married my best friend and have been blessed by him ever single day for the last five years.

5. If your spouse said he wanted you to wear skirts for the rest of your life because he loved how you looked in them, would you have a problem with that? He could say it and I would be flattered. I would probably make an effort to wear them more often, but I wouldn't wear them every day.

6. What are you most thankful for today? My health.

7. How often have you been angered by things you have read on my blog? I don't think you've ever said anything that's angered me. There's been times I thought you took things too far or had a vastly different viewpoint than mine, but nothing anger-inducing.

8. Describe a time you helped someone out anonymously and did not seek recognition for it. Wouldn't it be seeking recognition if I told you about it? ;-)

9. What household chore do you gripe about performing the most? Sweeping and mopping the floor! It's time consuming and within five minutes they're dirty again. Grrr! (Hubby does this chore most of the time cause he loves me.)

10. How can you tell if someone is really following the Messiah? Their words and deeds line up and you feel a sense of peace when you're around them, no matter what is going on.

11. Do you think that Barack Obama is a good president? I don't think there is such a thing as a good president. Each administration is at the mercy of the administration before him, the Congress in session, and the current world disasters. Why anyone would want to be president is beyond me.

Who I'm Tagging

- George at Rough And Rede

- Kim at (Just) Trying is for Little Girls

- Christie at Marathon Mama

- Nikki at My Story That I Like The Best

- Shawna at Pink Spandex

- Leslie at Pink Spandex

My Questions:

1. Which three books would you take with you if you were banished to a deserted island?

2. Who had the greatest influence on you growing up?

3. What was the best vacation you ever had?

4. What's your "one moment" - the moment in your life you wish you could go back and change?

5. Icecream or cake?

6. What do you want people to remember about you?

7. What is your favorite quote?

8. Would you live without internet or without your phone?

9. What has been your greatest accomplishment?

10. How do you celebrate an accomplishment?

11. How does life compare to what you had planned 5/10/15/25 years ago?

Thankful Thursday: Promises

2012-01-19T13:56:00.000-08:00

I haven't written a "Thankful Thursday" post in awhile and today I realized I'm thankful for promises.

My history is, as I'm sure everyone's is, littered with broken promises. Some that caused tears, some that caused scars, and still others that resulted in a complete loss of trust.

The thing with broken promises, though, is they make the promises that are kept that much sweeter.

Today, I'm thankful that my friend who said she'd always be there for me when we were eleven is still one of the few people I talk to on a regular basis.

I'm thankful my husband has truly stood by me in sickness and health, richer and poorer, good times and bad, especially the sick/poor/bad.

I'm thankful that the promise I most doubted, the one that people I trust most uttered one after another, seems to be coming to fruition. I'm going to be okay.

Grace and Strength

2012-01-06T11:34:00.000-08:00

In keeping with my current ponderings about grace, strength, light and New Year's resolutions, today I looked up at my calendar and was challenged by this month's verse:

"Be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus." 2 Timothy 2:1

For some reason this hit me really hard this morning. I often think of strength as being overpowering and grace as being gentle. To see those two words side by side, complementing one another, has made my head spin in a way that will require me to sit with it for awhile. Be strong. In grace.

As I continue to reflect on last year and what I want this year to look like I have thought a lot (alot) about the My One Word challenge. While it is spiritual in nature, I think it could be applied secularly as well: How do you want to grow? What kind of person do you want to be by 2012's end? How would implementing one word change your relationships?

Passion... Grace... Intention.... these are words I'm mulling over.

What one word would you choose to guide your actions and what kind of person would that word shape you into?

Stronger

2012-01-04T11:32:00.000-08:00

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who are we to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so other people won’t feel insecure around you… And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~ Marianne Williamson

2011: Life is Good

2012-01-03T10:17:00.000-08:00

I'm a little late on this annual tradition (three days!). I have been having so much fun with family and friends I haven't really sat down to reflect on 2011. Something I'll have more time for this evening, me thinks. 2011 brought many good things and was a far cry from 2010. Without further ado...

2011: The Survey

Was 2011 good for you? Yes, life was good.

What was your favorite moment of the year? Honestly, it may have been holding my dear friend's newborn. That is the moment that sticks out and I still get teary eyed thinking about it. Life is a blessing.

What was your worst moment of the year? It was pretty upsetting when I realized I'd spent all weekend taking pictures with a broken camera that didn't have a memory card. But the worst was gett the call from my brother after he'd just gotten home from the ER.

Where were you when 2011 began? At the Hall's house.

Who were you with? The Monday Night Posse

Where were you when 2011 ended? Snuggled in the guest bed sound asleep.

Did you keep your new years resolution of 2011? To live boldly. To be intentional in my actions, be present in every moment, and stand my ground. I didn't live as boldly or as intentionally as I would have liked, but I was more present.

Do you have a new year's resolution for 2012? I want to live intentionally. That is, do what I say I'm going to do, be consistenet in word and deed, and cherish the moment. 2012 will be bringing many life changes and I want to soak them all up.

Did you fall in love in 2011? Every. single. day.

Did you make any new friends in 2011? A few.

What was your favorite month of 2011? August

Why this month? August was an awesome month for outdoor activities (hiking, Cascade Lakes Relay, Hood to Coast, etc) and lots of family time.

Did you travel outside of the country in 2011? No, I still need to renew my passport. Maybe 2012 will be the year I actually make it to Canada?

How many different places did you travel to in 2011? I don't know that I even got on a plane in 2011. Weird.

Did you miss anybody in the past year? Missed my brother, so glad those days are over.

What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2011? How to Train Your Dragon

What was your favorite song from 2011? "Raise Your Glass" by Pink or "I Love You This Big" by Scotty

How many concerts or plays did you see in 2011? Hmmm... everything I thought I'd seen I apparently saw last year. So perhaps none.

Did you have a favorite concert in 2011? Voices of Hope concert at The Grotto. I always love singing at The Grotto.

What was your favorite book in 2011?
Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? Nope.

What was the biggest lie you told in 2011? "I'm doing better."

Did you treat somebody badly in 2011? No.
Did somebody treat you badly in 2011? Yes, but we worked it out.

What was your proudest moment of 2011? Accepting the job at Adventist Medical Center Foundation.

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2011? Possibly when my brother took his pants off during karaoke.

If you could go back to any moment of 2011 and change something, what would it be? The thing I would like to have changed was my sister and my best friend's wedding being on the same day in different (not close) cities. Not something I could change, but it is the thing I would have liked changed.

Where did you work in 2011? LifeWorks NW and AMC Foundation

Favorite TV shows(s) of 2011? Big Bang Theory, Grimm, and Once Upon a Time

Favorite Band(s) of 2011? The Band Perry

Favorite Food in 2011? Honey Lavender or Copa Mista gelato

Favorite Drink in 2011? Vanilla Chai Tea

Favorite Place in 2011? Bend

Favorite person(s) to be with in 2011? Jason, Aunt Deb, Dad, and Heather

Favorite person(s) to talk to in 2011? Aunt Deb, Bobby, Grandma+pa

Favorite trip in 2011? Anniversary weekend in Bend

Favorite stores in 2011? Stash Tea Warehouse

Hardest thing you had to go through in 2011? Starting depression medication was a tough decision, but one I'm glad I made.

Most exciting moment(s) in 2011? Getting chickens. New babies. Seeing family. Christmas. Planning a trip to Disney World/Disney Princess Half Marathon with Leslie. Little brother being discharged from the Marine Corp... lots of excitement.

Funniest moment(s) in 2011? I need to remember these better. Probably when I fell through the snow with one leg while we were hiking around the Strawberry Wilderness and yelled, "Hey, I found the trail!" Or my going away cake from LifeWorks NW.

Wishing you the most blessed 2012!

Four Happy Years - September 2011 - Bend, OR

The Work of Christmas

2011-12-23T10:02:00.000-08:00

When the song of the angels is stilled,

when the star in the sky is gone,

when the kings and princes are home,

when the shepherds are back with the flocks,

then the work of Christmas begins:

... to find the lost,

to heal those broken in spirit,

to feed the hungry,

to release the oppressed,

to rebuild the nations,

to bring peace among all peoples,

to make a little music with the heart…

And to radiate the Light of Christ,

every day, in every way,

in all that we do and in all that we say.

Then the work of Christmas begins.

-- Howard Thurman, adapted

Wishing you the Merriest of Christmases and a blessed New Year.

May we do the work of Christmas all year long.

Welcome Winter

2011-12-22T12:52:00.000-08:00

This morning I saw a moon sliver, framed by birch silhouettes, in the most stunningly clear, crisp, inky blue winter sky. We rounded the corner and the magic was lost, but the image is burned in my head. It echoed Silent Night to me and reminded me to slow down and bask in the wonder of the holiday.

To Do Now or Later: Traditions

2011-12-15T15:45:00.000-08:00

I'm a sucker for traditions. Yours... mine... those of people I've never met, doesn't matter. I enjoy reading about traditions and then figuring out how to incorporate them into my own if it's feasible to do so.

For the last seven years, one of our traditions has been to alternate holidays with our families: Thanksgiving in Baker, Christmas in San Diego, then the following year Thanksgiving in San Diego, Christmas in Baker, repeat. This has worked out really well and we always know what to do, where we're going, and what to expect when we get there.

This year, however, the family unanimously decided it would be best if we stayed in Oregon for Christmas and come to visit later when flights are more reasonable. While it's nice to not have to make travel plans or cry over plane tickets and ridiculous surcharges, I am feeling a bit lost. This has led to many conversations about making our own traditions.

While we have incorporated some of our families' traditions - I am making the Bentley brisket for the Monday Night Posse Christmas party on Monday and always fill stockings to overflowing in true Henshaw fashion, for example - we have not really made our own as a couple.

That's not to say there aren't things we do every year - like get a tree as soon as our schedule and finances allow, watch ELF, and buy a picture frame ornament to mark a moment in the last year (something we've been doing since 2006, the year before we married). We just don't have anything that's really ours.

It's a little late this year, but we are talking about traditions we want to establish now and then can modify or add to when we have children. This came out of a conversation in which I said something to the effect of, "I have lots of traditions, we just can't do them until we have little people," and Jason replied, "Stop trying to write me out of this! I want to be part too!"

I was a bit convicted by that statement. I am one who gets quite annoyed when people say, "When we have kids we'll x, y, z," or, "We're not going to do that until we by a house..." (within reason, of course there are some things you can't do until an earlier requirement has been filled), meanwhile life is happening now and they are missing it waiting for the next thing.

When we have children, they'll be around for 20 years; the time we have now is ours and I want to spend it making beautiful memories with my husband. That'll make Christmases with babies all the more sweet.

What are your traditions?

As long as I'm at AMC, this may well become a tradition.

Winter Reflections

2011-12-14T14:20:00.000-08:00

Look not mournfully into the past.

It comes not back again.

Wisely improve the present.

It is thine.

Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear.

~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow ~

The red, gold, green, and white has come out of their boxes. Christmas music has been my companion for three weeks and the chill is in the air. Amidst the joyous chaos that is the holiday season, I find myself reflecting more and more on this last year and all the changes in store for us in the coming year. As a culture, we tend to think of January 1 as a clean slate, though it's not really true: it's merely a continuation of whatever we set in motion the year before.

Two years have passed since I had my meltdown. A year ago I was a barely functioning exoskeleton. The contrast between this year and last at this time is stark and beautiful. I am overwhelmed by the love and encouragement I received from those dearest to me and my heart overpours with gratitude for those who came alongside us and helped bear the load - emotionally, physically, and financially. I am so blessed. We are so blessed.

I feel such hope for the next year. More intense than the hope I felt while surrounded by the Monday Night Posse on New Year's Eve and more real. Does that even make sense? I'm not paralyzed by fear - I'm excited!

As we spend time with our family and friends in the coming weeks, sharing meals, exchanging gifts, playing games, and generally enjoying each other's company I want to have in the forefront of my mind the central purpose of the holiday I celebrate - the simple, beautiful gift that was given to mankind - and the gift I was given this year that will not end when the clock strikes Midnight on January 1.

War Wounds

2011-09-19T08:49:00.000-07:00

"And you know what the worst part was? He was one of the Army guys who just got back [from Iraq on Tuesday]."

My brother's voice reverberated in my head as I drove through the back roads and geological wonders of central Oregon, racing towards my first home. My weekend plans for a run with my BFF in Bend, shopping, and picking up our anniversary project from the ceramic shop cut short by a 7 am phone call. A night in the ER, seven stitches total, missing teeth, possible jaw fracture. The Flag didn't drop to the ground and neither did he.

The story I had heard played over in my head, despite Safe Haven audiobook on level 15 volume trying to drown out my sobs. A night with friends, two beers, visiting with the bartender who used to be our neighbor, leaving at 1 am for home. Hearing a crack as he left, turning the corner to see what was going on. Then it happened.

My brother, full of righteous anger, grabbed the Flag from the ground, drenched in urine, started folding it, and asked the guy who the f *ck he thought he was pissing on the American flag. The "kid" rose to the challenge and asked Bobby what he knew about the damn flag. My brother told him he was a Marine for six years, fought for the flag, had friends that died for the flag, that he almost died for it, so who the hell was he. He was one of the Army guys, young, just returned from Iraq. Then the kid charged.

My heart caught in my throat again as I remembered that part of the story. "You know what the worst part was? He was one of the Army guys who just got back." My brother and I had started sobbing three hundred some miles apart. "I couldn't hit him. He was my brother. He was wrong, but he was my brother. I took three to the face like a champ, never hit the ground, and had a death grip on the flag. I should have killed him, and I would have gone to prison and I'd be okay with that, but I couldn't even hit him back."

At first, in the confusion, the crowd had held my brother back, but when the fourth punch landed they realized there was only one aggressor in that "fight." The kid walked away and Bobby went back inside to wash his hands. Then he caught his reflection.

Three missing teeth, one barely hanging on, seven stitches total, possible jaw fracture and oral surgery, liquid diet. And one heck of a swollen lip. He never raised a hand to the kid who obviously had war demons of his own. The Flag didn't hit the ground and neither did he.

***

Author's Note: I wrote this post a number of ways on my four hour drive on Sunday from Bend to Baker. I cried a lot and I cried more remembering the pain in my brother's voice as he told his story. In the end, I decided to leave out the commentary in my head on lack of veteran support and reintegration and tell the story simply as it played in my head. What struck me the most on the drive home was until this point my brother's war scars had been mental. Now, a civilian for a month, he received some very physical war wounds on the street of his hometown, from a fellow soldier and veteran. That is the part that hurts all of us the most.

Thankful Thursday: Present and Future

2011-08-25T12:18:00.000-07:00

My very own cake wreck.
How many errors do you see?

Today is my last day as Development Assistant at LifeWorks NW. It doesn't seem real yet, but as the hours tick by I know I am getting closer to closing this three year chapter of my life.

This job was a blessing three years ago when I found myself 30 credits away from graduating with my Bachelor's, but my full-time job would not accommodate a full-time school schedule. I needed a job that would work with my school schedule. What I found was a surprisingly well-paying part-time job with flexible hours, PTO, and benefits. Life works when you get the help you need.

I continued my part-time schedule after graduation, with consistent encouragement full-time hours would become available, but unfortunately the agency was never able to deliver on this. During the three years as Development Assistant I honed my database skills, delved into the world of event planning, and expanded my knowledge of the intricacies of office work. Life works when you get the help you need.

Today is my last day. When I close down my computer and walk out the door it will be for the last time. I am thankful for the opportunities and skills LifeWorks NW provided me and I am excited for the future in store for me as a result of the lessons learned here. Life really does work when you get the help you need.

PS: Check out my guest blog at Rough and Rede.

Transitions & Things

2011-08-24T11:16:00.000-07:00

There's been a lot of change and chaos in the Bentley household as of late. In short, our house has been in a constant state of recovery after the July rainstorm, all our office and kitchen things have been piled in our bedroom and living room, I've been working two part-time jobs, and we've been housing friends and family nearly every weekend since May. My mantra this summer has been, "Two more weeks, you can survive anything for two more weeks."

Two weeks ago, I accepted the Campaign and Donor Records Coordinator position at Adventist Medical Center Foundation. This is the job I have been filling in at and was honored they invited me to interview and ecstatic when they called the next morning after my evening interview to offer me the position. For the first time since graduation I feel like I can breathe again. Our finances have been stressful and this is just the boost we needed.

During the last two weeks of transition, as I look at my piles of laundry and pile of things in the living room, I feel the chaos of my surroundings permeating my being. The more the stuff sits, the more I begin to wonder if I really need it. And really want it gone. I've been reading minimalist and simple living blogs trying to figure out how to go about downsizing and simplifying my life. I like peace and clean lines, but you'd never know it looking at my house (or desk) right now.

As part of our transition to a DINK household (double income, no kids), something we haven't been for a couple years, we are taking a hard look at our finances and our lifestyle. We want to expand our family in the next couple years and as a caveat to that we really want to ingrain healthy habits - both physical and financial - now by paying down our debts and making exercise a staple in our routine.

One option we are looking at is leaving our 2 bed/1.5 bath townhouse in the suburbs for a 1 bed/1 bath apartment closer to my new job. It's easier for me to take public transit and the commute for Jason from the places we're looking at are shorter than what I will be driving starting next week. I love my townhouse and am both excited and terrified of downsizing.

I want simplicity back in my life, I want those clean lines and a place for everything. I want to reach in a drawer and get exactly what I'm looking for. The difficult part is deciding what to let go of and what to hold on to. I'm starting small - a drawer here, a cupboard there, a closet - and slowly but surely freeing myself of things. You can do anything for a year, and if moving to a small house is what is best for us at this time I have no fear that we will be happy in our new little nest - wherever that may be.

Summer of 26

2011-08-24T10:23:00.000-07:00

It's been an adventuresome few months in the Bentley household. I'd like to say I will fill you in, but considering the chaos my life has been for the last few months I'll probably never deliver. To top it all off, I broke my camera the same day my dear friend delivered her first child, so photographic proof of my life has been nearly nonexistent as of late. Here's a few pictures to bring you up to current day...


Holding 3 hour old Ezra Nathaniel, first baby of my dear friends on June 3.

Halfway through Run to the Ruts 5K in Baker City. Happy 26th birthday a few days late to me! It was seriously the best (and most difficult!) 5K I've ever done and it's not entirely because I'm biased.


Crystal and I after the 1st Annual Run to the Ruts 5K my daddy organized at the Oregon Trail Interpretive Center in Baker City. The goodie bags were over-the-top awesome, those shirts we're wearing are women's tech and the race fee was $25 to name some of the highlights. Never mind the gorgeous views and breakfast burritos.

Trying to hike to Strawberry Lake.
I found the trail - notice how I'm three feet shorter than everyone else?

Speedy Turtles at the finish line for Cascade Lakes Relay. CLR is a BEAST!!!


My Aunt Deb came to visit and we hung out. Good times.

Baby sister got married on August 13. She's really tall.
(Yeah, we don't know what Jason was doing either, but this is so going on the Christmas card.)

Reflecting on Blessings

2011-07-27T10:18:00.000-07:00

"What if you woke up today with ONLY the things you thanked God for yesterday?"

Miss Jordan at Southern Hospitality posed this question at the end of her post recently and it struck a chord with me. After a particularly rough counseling session yesterday, followed by a delightful time with my abuelos and my aunt, the timing couldn't have been more perfect to give me a moment to reflect.

The last couple of years haven't been a picnic. The last couple weeks have been especially draining emotionally and mentally. But in the midst of those ups and downs I have learned to focus on the blessings in my life. They are many...

A husband who always has my best interest at heart, laughs and cries with me, and is my best friend. A family that is only a phone call away. Friends who will drop everything to help me out. Two kitties who bring endless amusement into our home. Legs that can carry me from place to place. An inquisitive mind. Food in my cupboards, fresh veggies and fruit in my fridge. A soft bed to sleep in. Friendly neighbors. A God who justified me before I was born and has since covered me with a grace I cannot comprehend.

If those were the only things I woke up with tomorrow, I will still consider myself blessed beyond measure.

Flashback Friday: Shamrock Run

2011-04-01T12:54:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday! I'm feeling behind on my posting and workouts, so it's time for a flashback to a great race - the 2011 Shamrock Run, which was held Sunday, March 13th. This was the first year since I've lived in Portland that I was in running shape to do the race and/or didn't have a weekend class at PSU. (Not that I would give up having met George Rede in 2009.)

This year the annual race drew more than 35,000 runners and walkers of all abilities down to the Portland waterfront on a very rainy day with the promise of Irish music, beer, and Standford salmon chowder. (I listened to the music, but we'll get to the beer and chowder later)

When I was formulating what I wanted to report after the race one thing kept coming back to me: the awesomeness of volunteers. While my family was doing this...

Waiting for MAX at Sunset Transit station - 6:20 am

Volunteers had been working in the dark to set up booths, arrange the start/finish lines, supply water stations, organize clothe check, and entertain the early arrivers (a ka, us).

Waterfront at 7 am, before the rain came down

After the obligatory Honey Bucket stops, Dad, Jason and I ran a couple warm up laps up and down the esplanade. I felt appropriately dressed with my capris, green plaid RunningSkirt, and don't-hit-me-yllow NIKE half-zip. I never fear getting too hot, but I have a deep-seeded fear of being too cold. I don't like being cold. More on that later.

At the clothes check a cheery bunch of volunteers bagged our backpack, tagged it, and tagged Jason for later pick up. I was still grumpy and impressed with their helpfulness. Afterwards, I took a vanilla bean GU and hopped into the 8K start line. I had learned my lesson from the Jingle Bell 5K Run, so joined Jason 9:30 pace group so as not to be run over by dogs and strollers again. (Of which, ironically, there were none.)

While waiting for the horn to sound, I made friends with the people around me. After about 15 minutes of standing, Jason took his jacket over to my parents - during which time it started raining pretty heavily - after deciding he didn't need it after all. Saved some 15Kers from starting in the wrong race. They appreciated that.

After a short eternity, we started moving. Then stopped. Then started. Then stopped. After three cycles of this I said to the people next to us, "One day we'll stop getting so excited at the first sign of movement." From that point I walked until I could see the start banner.

The 8K course was tight for the first quarter mile as everyone found their stride and it didn't take long for me to lose sight of Jason altogether. So, I channeled the Army Airborne cadences, focused on my breathing, and took in the awesome view of the river.

As I powered up the Burnside Bridge, I was once again struck by how hardcore volunteers are. (And noted someone else was as awesome as me and represented with the RunningSkirts green plaid.) There was a volunteer at every mile reading off the clock time as you ran past. Most were without umbrellas, there were some girls without jackets at all that cheered, and during some of the most challenging parts of the course there was always someone to give me a high five when I really needed it. I wanted to hug all of them.

I called my Dad at the mile 8 (my mile 4-something) and said, "Just passed the 8 mile sign, which means I'm almost done sucker!" (He was doing the challenging 15K, cause he's a rockstar, so started later than us.)

PS: It's difficult to call people and run. I don't know how people do it and this is the one and only time I have and don't think there will be a repeat

At mile 4-something people were handing out Voodoo Doughnuts and Little Debbies. This is where I made a rookie mistake. I indulged in the Little Debbie. I even told the people how awesome they were. After 100 feet I immediately regretted my decision and started gagging and cursing the tempters. I should also note I had brought my Amphipod handheld water bottle, but once at the race discovered there was mold in it (yeah, totally gross - my loving husband had washed and prepared it for me, but didn't get it all out) so left it with bag check. So, I finished the race with a gnarly, gnarly taste in my mouth.

Basking in finishing glory. My first 8K and best race EVER

BUT, I finished! With a pretty dang decent time that I don't currently remember. Jason was ecstatic to see me as he wasn't expecting me for another 15-20 minutes. (See, I AM getting faster.) We took some photos and ran into one of our favorite Gym trainers, Don.

Have you ever seen a happier running couple?

Jason and Don. We <3 this guy.

While waiting for Dad we saw the first five 15Kers come in. The first won his weight in Widmer beer. It was funny to see people gather around and gawk at the first place champ - he had an entourage.

My new Brooks getting drenched, but they made me fast.

Dad came in after 1:18 and some-odd seconds and we were SO PROUD. The 15K course is nothing to scoff at and all his high-altitude and hill training definitely paid off.

Dad and me at clothes check post-race

After we got Dad, I said, "It's a long walk to clothes check, so we need to get you over there before you get cold and cramp up." Jason and I had already made the walk once so knew it was not messing around. Plus the 15Kers and 5K runners were all coming in at the same time so there was significantly more crowding.

My happy meter took a dive after we got Dad in dry clothes. All I wanted was a beer and the salmon chowder I'd been dreaming about. As I got colder and wetter, all I wanted was the chowder. When Debbie (she did the 5K Stride) came in all I wanted was to at least get in the line. Once we were in the line I began thinking we were in a fake line and all I wanted was to not be around people any more. Which, in the end, resulted in my family's new favorite picture of me... You're welcome.

I was trying to smile, honest.

All in all, it was a good race, despite the downward spiral at the end as I got colder, wetter, and crankier. I'm not sure I'll do it again, but if I do I think I'll deem everyone on their own while I get some chowder. ;-)

Most of all, a HUGE THANK YOU to the volunteers. I don't think I've adequately conveyed how much they contributed to the atmosphere of the race. I think my memory of the race would be very different had they not been the rock stars they were. A couple days later I was still talking about how great they were and told Jason, "I think, as runners, we have a responsibility to volunteer for at least one race a year..."

Thankful Thursday: Just

2011-03-17T15:27:00.000-07:00

I feel I could write a book on what I'm thankful for today. I have a home. I'm fed. My clothes are clean and dry. I have a car that will get me from place to place. I know where my friends and family are, and, most importantly, know that they are safe. The world is in chaos and uncertainty right now, and I feel that strongly as well, but in the midst of it all I see how blessed I am. It's the little things.

This song started playing in my head today. It's been my go-to song when life is filled with uncertainties.

Share In The Waiting by Greg Long

Word from Japan

2011-03-16T15:53:00.000-07:00

We received more news from our cousins in Japan. A word from Erik describing the conditions and specific needs...

Yoko & Erik - May 2007

Thank you for your continued prayers. There are several specific things you could pray for. One is God's peace on us. We continue to experience aftershocks, and some of them have been quite close to where we live. Here is one now! It is just off the coast from us about 50 miles/ 80 kilometers and measuring a 6.0. If you are not familiar with where we are; we are in Narita which is east of Tokyo and west of the coastal city of Choshi. Narita is home to the main international airport for this part of Japan.

Another prayer request is for us to be lights to those around us.

Lastly, please pray for the nation and the monumental task of rebuilding that lies ahead.

The nuclear plants to the north of us continue to fill the news. It appears that they are being honest with the current situation and not trying to down play it. We are a pretty good distance to the south from them, but we are told to be aware of any wind out of the north. They don't want people outside any more than they need to be.

Rolling blackouts have started in order to conserve electricity. We have been told that we would have them each day since Sunday but have not experienced one yet. The latest notice is that we are scheduled to have one tonight. Gasoline is being rationed, some stations are only allowing people to buy 10 liters or about 2.5 gallons at a time. One station near us lets people buy 3,000 yen worth of gas. At 140 yen a liter, you don't get a whole lot.

During they day, we have been hanging out in the "kids' playroom" in our apartment complex. It is on the second floor which doesn't move as much as our 9th floor apartment. Our building has 15 floors, so those at the top must be getting quite a ride.

Jason, Sarah, & Nike at Erik & Yoko's wedding.

Sarah (Erik's sister, our cousin), is doing well. She is planning on visiting us this weekend, but we are not sure if that will still happen or not. Yoko's family is safe, and we have heard from all of them.

Maika (their baby, less than a year) has been great through all of this. Thankfully she does not know what is going on which eliminates any fear she might have.....

My friend, Yoshimi, and her four-year-old left to be with her family in Japan today. The family is home now and are still anticipating her brother's wedding next week. They all could use some happiness in light of the tragedies.

Prayer for Japan

2011-03-14T15:47:00.000-07:00

My heart sunk Friday morning when I learned why there were tsunami warnings off the Oregon Coast. My heart immediately thought of my dear friend, Yo - her family is there and she is scheduled to visit the coming week. No phones, no e-mail. No word.

I thought of Cliff, in Hawai'i, preparing for Yo and E's arrival in a few weeks. Then I remembered Jason's cousins are in various areas of Japan - one now a resident with a beautiful family; the other preparing to come home after a year of teaching.

With the help of Facebook and a large dose of patience we learned Cliff was fine - the roads are another story. The Bentley cousins are all okay, though one cousin's family had to stay in a refuge overnight. Yo's dad called - her family is all alright. Thank God.

Today, as I watched the devastation unfold while in the comfort of my gym on a crisp, spring-like morning, my heart swelled anew. I cannot do all, but I can do something. Lord, show me what is mine to do.

While reading the captions of fearful parents, family who can't find their loved ones, my heart cried...

Lord, ease their minds. Comfort the lost, bring peace to the grieving. May this be a time of hope and coming together as a community. May what is best about humanity - our resilience, our compassion - shine during this time of darkness. Lay your hands on the relief workers - give them words of comfort and guide their actions. May the people of Japan feel love and peace at this time of uncertainty.

We Interrupt This Program...

2011-03-09T10:23:00.000-08:00

I don't make a secret of my disgust for what passes as news these days. I am single handedly trying to bring down the Jersey Shore by refusing to click on any links, read any magazine/newspaper articles, or mention the names The Situation or Snooki. Likewise, I will flip the channel if they happen to pop on the screen. I am merely one person, but I like to think my lack of acceptance could help turn the tide. I have been exercising the same restraints in regard to the Charlie Sheen fiasco. This has been harder considering he is literally on every station and I can't control the gym television so I know a little more about the situation than I would care to admit.

So, you can imagine my horror when I logged onto Facebook today and my mother-in-law's status stated this: Charlie Sheen 47, is all over the news because he's a celebrity drug addict while Andrew Wilfahrt 31, Brian Tabada 21, Rudolph Hizon 22, Chauncy May 25, are soldiers who gave their lives this week with no media mention. Please honor them by posting this as your status for a little while. May these heroes rest in peace!

Really, America? This is a disgrace and we should be ashamed. Here is my tribute, so at least my readers and myself will know their names and faces.

Photo Courtesy of Jeff Wilfahrt

Cpl. Andrew Wilfahrt, 31, of Rosemount, Minn., was killed Sunday, Feb. 27, 2011 by a bomb while on patrol in Afghanistan. His mother described him as a gentle soul who was very learned without going to traditional school. He joined the military because he was seeking structure, which was ironic as he had rebelled against structure preferring to do things his own way.

He was kind, he was compassionate, he was loved by his unit, friends, and family. (Source.)

Brian Tabada 21, of Las Vegas; assigned to 1st Battalion, 327th Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.; died Feb. 27 in Konar province, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when insurgents attacked his unit using small-arms fire and a rocket-propelled grenade.

He joined the Army in August 2008 and arrived at Fort Campbell in January 2009. He is survived by his father, Muncko Kruize of Honolulu, Hawaii, and Leinette Mahan of Las Vegas. (Source)

U.S. Army SPC Rudolph R. Hizon was assigned to Task Force Patriot soldiers from 4th Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division. Hizon, a 22-year-old Los Angeles native assigned to Company B, 2nd Battalion, 30th Infantry Regiment’s Task Force Storm out of Fort Polk, LA.

His comrades remember him for his easy smile - the kind of smile that makes everyone else in the room smile, cheerful disposition, and friendly support. (Source)

Spc. Rudolph R. Hizon 22, of Los Angeles, Calif., died Feb. 28, in Logar province, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked his unit using an improvised explosive device. (Source)

Chauncy Mays, a 25-year-old native of Cookville, Texas, was assigned to 63rd EOD Bn, 20th Support Command and attached to 4th Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division’s Task Force Patriot based at Fort Polk, La.,

He was assigned to 705th Explosive Ordnance Disposal Company in the Tangi area. Mays was working out of Combat Outpost Tangi in support of 2nd Battalion, 4th Infantry Regiment, while deployed in Afghanistan.

Always careful, never fearful, Mays' comrades respected him and state he saved countless lives and the world is a lesser place without him.

A decorated soldier, Mays died while in the Wardack province, Afghanistan. He is survived by his wife, Katherine, and daughters Chesnee and Kiley. (Source)

Alongside Chauncy Mays, U.S. Army Spc. Christopher G. Stark, 22, died during an improvised explosive device attack while on a dismounted patrol in the Tangi area. Stark was working out of Combat Outpost Tangi in support of 2nd Battalion, 4th Infantry Regiment, while deployed in Afghanistan.

Several Soldiers said Stark was an outstanding team member and a great EOD technician. Stark’s comrades said he was always willing to help others and made everything he did fun for himself and for those around him. (Source)

A moment of silence and the playing of Taps...

Epic Plunge

2011-03-08T14:29:00.000-08:00

Two weeks ago some of my favorites and I stood half-dressed in 9-degree weather, patiently awaiting to plunge into 35-degree water. The next day we learned the scuba divers weren't there to save us - they were there to churn the water to keep it from freezing. We participated in the coldest Polar Plunge in Oregon history and raise over $400 for Special Olympics Oregon. Thank you to all who contributed!

Team Apocalypse - placed 4th for costumes

About this time I wondered why I was willingly running into freezing water. I don't run into water ever. (That's me in the pink shirt and black bikini bottoms on the right. I'm also picking up one of Jason's shoes he lost.)

Warming up took some help from apple cider and a vent on our feet.


We ended the evening with karaoke, dancing, and dumplings.

Jason's gearing up for next year, but I think I'll be the girl with the towels. ;-)

Thankful Thursday: Just Dance in the Rain

2011-03-03T09:32:00.000-08:00

I received a special treat today - an introduction to a new music artist. I've always identified with music more than any other medium. My brother and I always joked, "Things too stupid to say are nearly always sung," (that is an actual quote from someone famous) and I don't think I'd have it any other way.

Between the depression I've had for the last year plus and the fact that it's winter in the Willamette Valley and that's always hard on me, I'm finding this song beautiful and encouraging. A huge thank you to A{muse}ing Mommy on a Pink Park Bench for sharing Rhyne McCormick's work with her readers this morning.

Just let the rain fall down and be free...

Legally Blonde, Get Out of My Head

2011-02-25T10:43:00.000-08:00

Ever have those days where a line from a movie will play over and over in your head? No? Just me then...

We joined a gym a couple weeks ago - opening day was February 11 - and to say the least, I'm in love. Like, really, it's almost a sickness. I've made friends with the front desk people and a couple of the trainers. (Yep, I'm feeling better - totally going out of my way to learn people's names and make them feel special.) Today I was so chatty Jason literally had to pull on my arm and say, "Nike, we need to get to the east side, we need to go..." But then I had to say good morning to Pam, and then say goodbye to Pam, Stormi, and Don (who I just met today). Needless to say, my feeling better is coming with it's own complications, but they're ones we'd rather have.

Anyway, about the gym. It's a Crunch Gym and their motto is "No Judgments." Love. I've been a member of a gym before and frequented a few others, but I've always felt so out of place, awkward, and inferior to everyone else there. Here I feel like a valuable member of a special group. I see all types at this gym and I frequently want to give them high fives or clap and tell them, "Way to go! You're getting of the couch and doing something good for yourself!" I restrain, cause I'm not sure that would be well received.

Yesterday we took the Tread n' Shed (I insist on calling it the Tread n' Shred class). It was amazing and is going to become part of my interval and hill training. There were two gentlemen to my right who started singing along really loudly to a song I'd never heard and it warmed my heart. I gave everyone in my class a mental high-five cause they worked their booties off and it was not easy.

It's taken a few years, but I've finally found a place in my life and routine for exercise. The strange thing is, I've become a runner and a morning person seemingly overnight. Who saw that coming? Definitely not me.

"I just don't think that Brooke could've done this. Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't." ~ Elle, Legally Blonde

Off to jump in the icy Deschutes River... what are your weekend plans?

Fashionably Late

2011-02-24T18:15:00.000-08:00

It's probably more than obvious I've fallen off the blogging bandwagon for the last month. I've also been terrible about reading blog posts, but I'm determined to catch up!

The lovely and inspiring Jessica of A Student Runner's Blog left me this little gift...

I'm completely flattered - stylish is something I aspire to, but feel I never quite attain. (Hence my current hairstyle. I'll totally post a picture as soon as I figure out how to manage its new awesomeness.)

So, here's the rules... the recipient needs to:

1. Write a post and link back to the person who awarded this award.
2. Share 7 random things about yourself.
3. Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers.
4. Contact these bloggers and tell them they’ve won!

1. I didn't eat anything but Ramen Noodles until I was six years old. This resulted in a life-long nickname of Nike Noodles. Yeah, that was fun in Junior High. (Also, I can't stand Ramen now and haven't eaten them since I was 12 or so.)

2. I've become a morning person and a gym rat in the last couple weeks. Never saw that coming, but I'm loving every minute of it. It's become my sanctuary.

3. I'm very impressionable. Run Oregon posted something about exercises to prepare you for the Zombie Apocalypse yesterday and then a couple of my girlfriends were talking about how they talk about zombies too much. Last night I had a dream about running from zombies and racing Kenyans while holding hands with Jason. I've never seen a zombie movie or read a zombie book.

4. In my mind I'm a Kenyan, which makes it really frustrating when Green Garmin or the treadmill tells me what my real speed is.

5. I struggle with where I stand on the Pro-Life/Pro-Choice arguments. I identify Pro-Choice, but am not necessarily pro-abortion. I think there are shady dealings in both camps and I think the heart of the issue is a lack of education and resources. I saw a sign yesterday that said, "Consistent Birth Control is the Sexiest Way to Prevent Abortions." That's very much in line with my thinking.

6. I've had a baby name book since I was 13 years old. It started as a resource for finding character names for my short stories. Yesterday the boy and I finished highlighting all the names we agree on (47 girl names and 49 boy names) in hopes of having a smaller field of names, and ones we both agree on, when we do decide to have children.

7. It freaks me out when people call their baby by the name they've chosen while the baby is still in utero.

15 is a lot, we'll see how far I get...

1. Evie of Treble Maker

2. Laura of Make Yourself at Home

3. Jogging With Fiction

4. McDancing Through Life

5. Leslie & Shanwa of Pink Spandex

6. Heather of Running with Sass

7. Silly Girl Running

8. Jordan of Southern Hospitality

9. Laurie of The Corner Slice

10. Norma of keep it simple

11. Alanna at Blood, Sweat, and Cupcakes

12. K at (Just) Trying is For Little Girls

13. Kayla at Running Through Life

14. Nicole at Marine Wife Unplugged

15. JJ at The Confetti Party

Thankful Thursday: Health

2011-02-24T12:05:00.000-08:00


9 members of Monday Night Posse at White Canyon Trail

Today, I am thankful for health. I'm thankful that I can wake up in the morning and get out of bed without pain or assistance. I'm thankful my body is capable of running 4.5 miles without fatigue, even if I'm not as fast as I would like to be. I'm thankful that, despite my lack of coordination, I can follow a Belly Butt Thigh aerobic class without fainting. Tripping maybe, but no fainting.

I'm also thankful that for the first time in three years I can consistently take my wedding ring on and off easily, hike up mountains without feeling like I'm suffocating, and live an active lifestyle without wanting to throw up. I'm thankful to finally be seeing results as I consciously make decisions to improve my whole mind, body, spirit. I like the changes I'm seeing - physically and mentally - and I'm feeling very hopeful for the future and appreciating the now.

Tomorrow I will join my best friend in Bend, my husband, and several other crazies at the Riverbend Park. From there, we will plunge into the icy waters. I've never been one for cold water, but the cause is worthwhile. Special Olympics of Oregon is the beneficiary of the Polar Plunge Oregon events. I am healthy and getting more athletic by the day. Nothing moves me more than people with the odds stacked against them doing incredible things - Special Olympics of Oregon helps athletes with intellectual disabilities be the best they can be every day, in every season, at every age. (If you'd like to donate to this awesome cause, you may do so by clicking on the Polar Plunge link on the right side of my homepage or click here. Do it for the kids.)

What inspires you to be better/healthier?

Memories of Shadows, Ink on the Page

2011-01-19T13:16:00.000-08:00

I promise I'll write a real post soon. There's a lot going on right now and I hardly have a moment at the computer. My brother shared this song on Facebook and I find it hauntingly beautiful. He said it's something that's been on his mind a lot lately and I really felt the lyrics for reasons different than his, but I think we've all had those moments of loneliness and feeling abandoned - even though we're not.

Thankful Thursday: Blogs

2011-01-06T09:57:00.000-08:00

I discovered blogs a few years ago. With the help of my professor, George, the blog world opened up to me in a whole new way in 2009. So, here is my thanks:

To you (and you, and you) who inspire me to lace up my running shoes - thank you.

To you who show me the beauty in the world - thank you.

To you who remind me to never give up on my goals - thank you.

To you who create beautiful things - thank you.

To you, you, and you who make me laugh - thank you.

And thank you, Jordan at Southern Hospitality, for sharing this beautiful piece of encouragement today:

I hope this year, when you are spreading your wings to reach for more, you ~~remember~~ embrace that there will always be people trying to bring you down. Those people who are jealous or intimated by you and your potential. Those people mistake their own insecurities for confidence and try to justify themselves by attempting to belittle another person's character. It's so important not to allow those people to influence your attitude. It's true when they say he who anger's your, conquers you, so rise above it and believe in yourself. The past is behind you, the future is looking promising and life is such a beautiful ride. You CAN do it!

The list could go on and on. The blog community is incredible and I have learned so much from each of you. Thank you.

2010: A Year of Standing Still

2011-01-03T10:33:00.000-08:00

Old Father Time has passed the torch to 2011. This year my response is, "Good riddance!" In reflecting, however, I'm remembering the highlights 2010, though trying, brought. So here's to the annual survey. (For a 2009 refresher, click here.)

2010: The Survey

Was 2010 good for you? The year as a whole, no, but it had some high points.

What was your favorite moment of the year? Running under the Hood to Coast "Finish" banner with 10 other teammates in various stages of pain while our spry 12th runner took off ahead. We were all laughing, tripping in the sand, and yelling, "Tooooom! Wait!" I laugh every time I remember that moment.

What was your worst moment of the year? December 16 when I came face to face in the shortcomings of our mental health system.

Where were you when 2010 began? I don't remember... weird. Did I go to bed before Midnight?

Who were you with? I bet Jason was there wherever I was.

Where were you when 2010 ended? At the Halls' house, standing with my arm around Jason, Josh and Laura to my right, and the rest of the Monday Night Posse in front and behind me. It was a beautiful thing to countdown and clink glasses with people who have come to mean so much to me over the last year.

Did you keep your new years resolution of 2010? I followed through with some of the not-so-fun commitments I made to myself. I had also resolved to be more cultured and that was certainly accomplished.

Do you have a new years resolution for 2010? To live boldly. To be intentional in my actions, be present in every moment, and stand my ground.

Did you fall in love in 2010? Every day.

Did you make any new friends in 2010? Yes, 2010 was a good year for new friends. I love my running buddies and it is fun to stay in contact with my subbed-in H2C teammates.

What was your favorite month of 2010? July

Why this month? The sun came out and stayed out for awhile, I made a surprise trip to Baker for Dad's 50th birthday, hung out with my abuelos, and Aunt Deb came to visit.

Did you travel outside of the country in 2010? No, I really need to renew my passport. I'm looking at you, Canada. And Dominican Republic. And South Korea. And Japan...

How many different places did you travel to in 2010? Baker, Bend, Prineville, Salem, Hug Point, Lincoln City, Depoe Bay, Seaside, Tillamook, Carlsbad, San Diego, Denver, Sutherlin and a bunch of places along the I-5 corridor.

Did you miss anybody in the past year? My brother and my besties

What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2010? Secretariat

What was your favorite song from 2010? "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry

How many concerts or plays did you see in 2010? Jason took me to see CATS! and a friend took me to see The Lion King at the Keller. We also saw Clackamas High put on Les Miserables and an elementary production of Wizard of Oz.

Did you have a favorite concert in 2010? No concerts, but I loved Les Mis.

What was your favorite book in 2010? My favorite fiction book was Sarah's Key by Tatiana de Rosnay and my favorite nonfiction was Until Death Do Us Part by Ingrid Betancourt. (I read the version printed after Betancourt was released from her captivity.)

Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? I'm not impressed with my work performance.

What was the biggest lie you told in 2010? "I'm fine and everything's great."

Did you treat somebody badly in 2010? No, I finally told the truth with compassion and firmness.

Did somebody treat you badly in 2010? No, because I set up boundaries.

What was your proudest moment of 2010? Completing the Hood to Coast.

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2010? I must have blocked it.

If you could go back to any moment of 2010 and change something, what would it be? I would have been happier to hear from my best friend at 7 am instead of being grumpy pants.

Where did you work in 2010? LifeWorks NW

Favorite TV shows(s) of 2010? Glee, Without a Trace, Lie to Me, The Mentalist, Criminal Minds, and How I Met Your Mother

Favorite Band(s) of 2010? Lady Antebellum and The Band Perry

Favorite Food in 2010? I was really digging post-run hamburger and fries this year. Horrible, I know.

Favorite Drink in 2010? Vanilla Chai Tea and Vanilla Rooibos Tea Latte

Favorite Place in 2010? Disneyland

Favorite person(s) to be with in 2010? Jason, Aunt Deb, Dad, and Heather

Favorite person(s) to talk to in 2010? Aunt Deb, Bobby, Grandma+pa

Favorite trip in 2010? Drive to Carlsbad for Thanksgiving and surprise trip to Disneyland at the tail end of it.

Favorite stores in 2010? FitRight NW and RunningSkirts

Hardest thing you had to go through in 2010? Recognizing I have depression and the ensuing battle that's resulted from that. Thankfully I'm blessed with a supportive husband and friends who love on me.

Most exciting moment(s) in 2010? Jason entering the Bachelors part of his adult degree program; anytime marshmallows, chocolate, graham crackers, roasting sticks, and a fire were around; eating at the Marrakesh with the Monday Night Posse; all of Hood to Coast; and standing in line for the teacup ride at Disneyland...

Funniest moment(s) in 2010? It's only funny now, but was very not funny at the time: when my hammock strap broke during our Goat Peak/Rock(?) backpacking trip. I was so tired I said to Jason, "Screw it, I'll just sleep here" (here being the bottom portion of my hammock on the ground while the other portion was tied to the other tree).


Nike & Jason in 10-degree weather at the 2nd Twin Lake. First snowshoeing trip of the season,	December 31, 2010.

Thankful Thursday: Horses

2010-12-30T11:35:00.000-08:00


Scout (6), Toby (29), and Ruger (2) in their Christmas best.

Today I'm thankful for the healing powers of horses, the mountains I grew up near (those are the hills in the picture - not the same), and the refreshing purity of snow.

Three Things Thursday

2010-12-30T11:19:00.000-08:00

1. I'm still around. Christmas with the fam was a good time and eventually I'll have the pictures on the computer and share.

2. The snow is not committing and I wish it would. Fortunately, there is snow on the Mountain so we will be taking our snowshoes out for a trek tomorrow and Sunday. Yay!

3. I actually kind of miss running. I haven't run since Christmas Eve (3.32 miles on a treadmill, which I've never run on before, in 40 min with 189 HR for most of it - Dad was concerned) and I have some fun and exciting new gadgets to try out. You may now sit in anxious anticipation of what those gadgets are. ;-)

I'll get a more meaningful post out later. Happy Eve of New Year's Eve!

A New Ending

2010-12-21T14:14:00.000-08:00

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." ~Maria Robinson

Every once in a while I need a mindless Facebook quiz. According to FB's "What's Your Quote on Life?" quiz the quote above is my quote on life. I love it. I'm a quote nerd and I've never heard this one before.

By extension of this quote, Facebook says I am hopeful, a free-spirit, offer a healthy dose of optimism, believe in the importance of moving forward, and remember each day how fortunate I am.

I remember that girl and it's encouraging to know she's still around. I really like the idea of making a new ending. My story - and yours - isn't written yet. Why not make a conscious effort to be present in the writing of it?

A True Conversation

2010-12-21T10:37:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, while eating with the Monday Night Posse, Jason asked our friend to watch the kitties while we're out of town. After assurance that neither kitty has pus pockets (gross story) and we'll only be gone three days, she agreed. Our other friend said, "Oh, cats are easy, you just put three days worth of food out and they're fine," to which K replied, "Not Nike's cats. Claire would look like Garfield and Donte would look like he'd never been fed."

On the way home Jason and I laughed about how well K knows our kitties. Then Jason said, "I think they'd be fine with the food, it's just the lack of human interaction that makes them crazy."

"Yeah, they'd be fine with the food, but on that third day all bets are off."

"Yes, they really do need human interaction. Otherwise they tear the house apart"

"Wait, are you saying our cats become uncivilized if people aren't around?" At which point I burst into laughter because in my heart I know it's true.

"Um, yes... we'd come home to Lord of Flies kitty-style."

That's right, my darling fur balls are uncivilized if they don't interact with people.

Thankful Thursday: Compassion

2010-12-16T10:12:00.000-08:00

The last couple weeks have been really difficult and therefore difficult to find things to be thankful for. I made a short list yesterday...

I'm thankful for friends that will listen to my deepest darkest secrets without judging.

I'm thankful for friends that upon hearing those secrets will come clean my house, make me dinner, and rearrange my office. It doesn't fix the problem, but I felt very loved.

I'm thankful for my babysitters. As ridiculous as it is to need a babysitter, it's good to know no matter how unloved and lonely I feel sometimes there are people who will step in and ease that ache.

I'm thankful for my husband who doesn't yell back when I start to verbally vomit, left work during the busiest part of the day so I could make it to my counseling appointment, is always supportive, and gives the best hugs in the world.

No, things aren't easy right now and I'm getting to the point I can't pretend otherwise. But amidst the darkness I've found an amazing support system and the freedom that comes from being honest about how difficult things are. As one friend lovingly told me, "You're going to be okay because we all love you and we're going to help you through this. You just have to let us."

Please, Be Safe

2010-12-11T12:07:00.000-08:00

~~Sunday marked the changing back of the clocks~~. It been more than a month since the start of Daylight Savings. It's now dark by 5:30 pm, our normal running time. If we ran in the morning we would still be running in the dark, so we are now in search of ways to keep running, but be able to see and be seen.

Which leads me to a topic I'm very passionate about: reflective gear. That's right, I'm the kid that judges you when she sees you running sans a light or reflective gear. There's a common misconception in the running world that a white hat or clothing is enough. (Click the link for a demo.) It's not. I've been on the same trail as some of you and didn't see you until my pack leaders passed you. Worse, I've been driving when you've crossed - against the light in many cases - in front of my 40 mph moving vehicle.

No, you're not going to look as cute with a reflective vest. Yes, you might look like an alien if you make yourself really visible. (I wish I had a picture of Dad's getup. It's amazing and he will not be run over.) Personally, I'd rather look like an alien than be roadkill.

The biggest struggle is the "I'll only be running in the dark for 30 minutes, so I'm not going to bother with the safety gear." Jason and I have fallen into this trap. The one time I went running by myself this exact thought went through my head. You know what happened? I was nearly hit by a car at two separate intersections. It was just before sunset - ie, there was still a "reasonable" about of light. I dealt with a lot of whining from some Hood to Coast teammates about the "must wear reflective gear and a front and back LED flashers between 6:00 pm and 7 am" rule. But you know what? I think H2C has it right and this should be the norm for runners. (The H2C takes place in late August, basically an hour before sundown is a good time to put on your reflective gear.)

Here are my top picks for safety gear:

Brooks Nightlife Hat - This hat has a comforting level of reflective material and a button LED flasher in the back. It's lightweight, comfortable, and sweat wicking. My only complaint is when my hair was longer the pigtails didn't work as well for me - it was kinda like not pulling my hair back at all. Usually I put my hair through the hat opening, but that blocks the flasher if you need to use it. I attach a cap light to the bill so I can see where I'm going and it works well - especially for Hood to Coast night runs. (The hat flasher counts as your rear LED flasher.)

My other don't-leave-home-without-it gear is the Amphipod Xinglet. Again, it's lightweight, dries quickly, and is less restricting than the traditional vests. I attach a front and rear $5 LED button flasher from the Portland Running Company. The flasher is so simple I can't find anything similar online, so here's an Amphipod Flasher, but know the red button ones are just as good.

In the cold weather my Momentum Running Gloves from Mountain Hardwear (pictured) are indispensable. They keep my hands warm, and are breathable, so I never get too warm. The reflective dots are handy for waving at stopped cars. (On a side note, someone needs to make gloves with reflective dots on the palm. It's awkward to wave at people with the back of your hand.) The right index finger has an opening so you can access your touch screen electronics. I don't use that, but I guess it's neat.

I also try to always buy clothing with some form of reflective striping on them. Most shoes have some reflective material on the back or sides, and on our night runs we've noticed some shoes are more visible than others. (Unfortunately it's dark, so we have no way of knowing which shoes are better about this.) My new sub-zero Skirts tights from RunningSkirts is my new favorite winter gear item. I pretty much want to wear it everywhere. The reflective twins are cute, too. ;-)

I don't like shoelaces. My husband and Dad spent a good three months listening to me complain about my shoelaces before I discovered Yankz! When I found them at Fit Right NW, I knew they were the solution to my shoelaces-tied-once-come-untied/shoelaces-doubled-tickle-my-ankle conundrum. And, since I'm crazy about being seen, I opted for the reflective and white ones. (My tying job isn't as cool as the ads and I'm not sure how comfortable I would be with cutting the laces, so I haven't.)

What's your can't-run-without winter item?
Have a safe and happy run!

Highway to Well in Pictures

2010-12-10T13:34:00.000-08:00

I was really surprised to see I hadn't blogged about the Highway to Well 5K/10K Dad and I ran in October. This race was memorable for a few reasons, but mostly for being Dad's first race ever (he did the 10K) and my first race where I wasn't last. (That was a really big deal for me.)

The race was on a Saturday morning in Pendleton, OR. It was a small (small) locally organized race. There was a kid's fun-run 1 mile, a 5K run/walk, 10K run, and a half marathon. The 5K and 10K both started in the park parking lot, wound up to a main road, looped back into the park, into a neighborhood, and then back to the park. The neighborhood area wasn't very well marked, but it would have been difficult to get lost. The 10K did that route twice.

The race had a great small-town vibe and they had a delicious BBQ feast afterwards - chicken, baked beans, rolls, and watermelon. The entry fee was around $20 - $15 for the 5K and another $10 if you wanted the shirt. I opted "no" on the shirt, but Dad did get one. (I don't remember if the 10K was the same price or $5 more.) I'd run it again, with the hope the cheerleaders are more cheery - I didn't know they were cheerleaders until the end and was quite disappointed.

Finishing up the neighborhood loop back to the park

Over the bridge then 300 yds to the finish. About this time Dad was on the other side of the park and cheered me on. I passed the lady in front of me - my first pass ever - and was quite proud. I knew I wasn't last cause I passed someone. She took first for her age division and that took away the guilt I felt.

High-fiving Dad as he finished his second park loop and was headed to the neighborhood loop before finishing

Jason (blue) running with Dad and encouraging him to the end. Dad had started off at a 7:30 pace trying to "keep up with the old guys" before realizing they were only doing the 5K. He was tired, but still maintained a good clip.

Dad and I at the finish line. Isn't it cute?


You can't tell, but I had kinda teared up. They were calling names for the women's 20-25 age division and I was so shocked to hear my name. I like races that dole out ribbons for 5th place. I've never been so proud. (So what if there were only 6 in my age group...)

The third thing that made this race memorable was we all placed. Molly, Dad's coworker, took 1st for her 10K age division. Dad took Men's Overall (it's a track shoe and stop watch trophy thing) for the 10K. I placed 5th for my women's age division for the 5K. We were all pretty stoked. (This is also stoked Dad's race fever.)

And that, friends, is the Highway to Well recap.

Jingle Bells and a PR

2010-12-08T09:22:00.000-08:00


Sadly, the only full body picture of my outfit

On Sunday Dad, Jason, and I arose before the sun and prepared for a very, very cold run. We would be running with chilled noses, fancy Christmas socks, and in honor of those who can't - those who suffer from debilitating arthritis. The Jingle Bell 5k Run/Walk for Arthritis was awaiting us and we were going to own it.

The course was a simple out-and-back 5K on Naito. We started by the World Trade Center. I had the pleasure of running into a girl I went to church and high school with. She was admiring my awesome socks when I turned around and said, "Lindy! Hi!" Always a fun way to kick start a day that started way too early.

At the World Trade Center ready to warm up

When the call came to start lining up, my girl friend lined up right on the start line. I lost the boys (all four of them) in the sea of faster-than-me runners. (Dad said, "I'd like to run with you, but I can't run that slow for that long." Thanks, Dad.) I found my post behind the "10+ minute" pace sign. In retrospect I should have lined up in front of the sign as I was trapped in a sea of strollers and dogs for a quarter mile and couldn't quite get around people. This may be the only race I've ever passed more than one person. (Somehow I missed posting about Highway to Well in October. That was a big deal - I got a ribbon and everything!)

Dad said, "You can't even see my sign from there!"

The highlight of being slower than everyone else is they were turning back before I was halfway through. So, I got to yell, "Go Christy!" and "Way to go J. Hall!" and "Daddy!" and "Bentley! Aaron!" when I spotted them coming back up the road. Basically, my two favorite things: seeing people I love and cheering on runners.

I'm proud to report that despite some remaining ankle nagging, this was my best race of all time. I didn't break my goal of sub-35, but I was close.

35:54.5 - don't judge ;-)

Most importantly, I actually had fun in this race and felt good for the duration - even that awful short hill on the way back. Sadly, there are no pictures of me coming down to the finish line - despite much jumping up and yelling, "Daddy!" as I ran along - as the people that did see me were on the wrong side of the road.

Was a fun event to do with some of my wonderful people and I'm getting really excited for the Shamrock Run in March. (Drove the 15K course, Dad is in for a good time... or not. We're doing the 8K.)

Dad the Elf, running buddies Aaron & Torie, Nike, Jason and J. Hall post-race

Week 18: A Record and a Tribute

2010-12-06T11:15:00.000-08:00

Running is difficult for me. I want it to be fun and I want it to be easy, but right now it is not. I do know, however, it will get easier as long as I stick with it.

When my dad started running last year and was having really difficult days he told me he started thinking about our soldiers overseas and how they're sweating in the sandbox with all their gear and at least when he runs no one's shooting at him. (He, of course, said this all more eloquently than I'm remembering it.) So, when it was hard he ran harder for them and recognized all the sacrifices they are making and suddenly a 6 mile run around down in 85-degree weather didn't seem so bad.

Recently we started talking about marathon possibilities. (It's all about the goals.) In the midst of that conversation, Dad sent me this article about former Marine Sgt. Jeremy Soles, who ran the Marine Corps marathon in November and broke the Guinness Book of World Records for running with a gas mask. While I was floored by his accomplishment - I've tried those things on - I was moved by his reason for doing it.

Sgt. Soles, founder of Team X-T.R.E.M.E., ran this record setting marathon in honor of Marine Cpl. John Michael Peck who despite having suffered from a traumatic brain injury (TBI) insisted on returning to the battlefield.

"A lot of times, people ask why we run in a gas mask," Soles said. "Well, we use the gas mask to symbolize what we do. People often ask how difficult it is, and our first thing to tell them is it's not nearly as difficult as overcoming traumatic brain injury, which he did, not nearly as difficult as overcoming post-traumatic stress disorder, learning how to walk again with prosthetic limbs -- and people see the parallel."

Running for a cause. Running for those who can't. Running to honor. What better motivation could there be?

Week 17: An Art Piece

2010-12-02T12:22:00.000-08:00

This week I was supposed to post about an art piece and was stumped. While in Disneyland, Jason took a picture of me kissing a little bronze Dumbo, which sparked the memory of my time in Barcelona.

This is me, Winter 2006, in Parque Guell of Gaudí fame. The mosaic lizard is quite famous and beautifully intricate. You can buy replicas throughout Spain, though I never did. (According to Wikipedia the lizard is actually a dragon. Who knew?)

I loved Parque Guell. It was interesting to see Antoni Gaudí's work in a colorful way after visiting La Sagrada Familia. (I was fascinated by the craftsmanship, but it's a bit of an eyesore.) The lizard is still one of my favorite memories and pieces.

Thankful Thursday: Funny Christmas Songs

2010-12-02T10:26:00.000-08:00

I'm having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit this year. Lame, I know. Especially since I *big puffy heart* Christmas. It's my fave. Pandora just blessed me with this song so I'm passing it on to you...

Week 16: A Song that Makes You Cry (or nearly)

2010-11-29T11:12:00.000-08:00

I'm back! I hope everyone had a beautiful, enjoyable Thanksgiving spent with people you love. We had a wonderful time in SoCal with my husband's family at the beach. My cousins had their baby late Friday night before we left, so I got to hold a newborn before we made the drive back. But those are all things for another post. ;-)

I cry easily. I've mentioned before it's my superpower. The song that's really been turning on the water works lately, however, is this one...

Thankful Thursday: Rainbow

2010-11-18T17:31:00.000-08:00

Dear Rainbow,

Thank you for brightening the dark storm and reminding me I'm not alone in my own storm. Your appearance always reminds me of the promises. I'm not going to drown in the flood.

All the best,
Nike

Week 15: A Fanfic

2010-11-16T10:45:00.000-08:00

This week I'm supposed to tell you about my favorite fan fiction/fanfic/fic/ff. I think it suffices to say that I had to look up "fanfic" cause I didn't know what it means. Until last week I'd never read a fanfic and I'm not sure what I started reading even qualifies, but here you go... Blogging Twilight.

(I heart Twilight. I also appreciate humor.)

Thankful Thursday: Secrets

2010-11-11T12:52:00.000-08:00

Dear Secret,

Thanks for popping up at random times and bringing me joy. I've always been a fan of you, Secret, and today you made one of the most joyous appearances of all. While you don't really affect me directly, you affect someone I love very dearly and I am bubbling with happiness. That's what makes you so fun, as adults we can't really go around saying, "I have a secret, na nah na nah na...." but we can still smile a little knowing we know something no one else does.

Keeping my lips sealed,

Nike

Worldess Wednesday: Happy Birthday, US Marines

2010-11-10T10:31:00.000-08:00

Rude

2010-11-09T14:21:00.000-08:00

Earlier I had planned on writing a post about the Love Languages quiz the Monday Night Posse did last week. It was a great evening of evaluating how we experience love and hear what everyone's language is. I will probably still do that, but in light of recent events we're going to talk about my least favorite trait: rudeness.

Today I had an early morning meeting downtown. The office the meeting was held at has about 20 visitor parking spots, which are unusually narrow, but not so narrow the 'Ru doesn't fit. I parked in between the lines and left enough room the car to my right could open their door. The space to the left was empty.

Two hours later, I came out in the pouring rain to find a nondescript white car squeezed tight on the line in the spot to the left of mine. So close I couldn't walk in between the cars, more or less get my door open. I grumbled and resigned myself to climbing over my seats so I could drive away. I nearly hit the white car's side mirror backing out since they were angled towards my front to the point our noses almost touched, and was thankful I didn't. Now I wish I had.

I went to work, went about my morning tasks, then left for lunch. As I walked up to my car my heart sank and I felt sick. Little Brother was on the phone and talked me through it. Across the back door to the front panel was a streak of white, green, and a few missing paint chunks. Apparently the white car had so much trouble getting into the parking spot s/he needed to use my car as a guide.

I called Jason and we met up for lunch so he could see the car. We agreed the damage is not so bad we need to call insurance, and, really, not that easy to see unless it catches you off guard. (Jason walked completely around the car trying to find what I was talking about before he realized it was the driver's side doors.)

It's just paint. It's just a car. There aren't any dents and it could have been a lot worse. So why do I feel like punching someone? I've narrowed it down to a simple reason: rudeness.

When Jason got in the car he said, "The car is okay... wait, are you okay? Were you in the car?" and I said, "No, if I'd been in the car I would have gotten the person's name and insurance." That's when I realized the reason I was upset isn't so much the car's damage, but the inconsiderateness of the person who did the damage.

See, I would still be upset had I been in the car when it happened. Heck, I'd still be upset if I'd come out to the car and noticed a note on my car. Why I'm absolutely furious is because I wasn't there - not only wasn't there, but didn't know because I didn't see the driver's side of my car until after I was back at work - and there wasn't a note. The fact that someone did noticeable damage to my car and didn't even say, "I'm sorry" infuriates me. It's just rude.

I hope they went on to have a lovely day. I, on the other hand, am just angry.

Week 14: A Nonfiction Book

2010-11-08T09:55:00.000-08:00

Happy Monday!

The most recent nonfiction book I read was Cartwheels in a Sari: A Memoir of Growing up Cult by Jayanti Tamm. It was fascinating to get an insider's view of a faith so different from my own, yet the struggles we both have be so similar. Jayanti tells her story with humor and compassion - both for herself and for the guru who turned out to be a sham.

The nonfiction book that I still think of often, however, I have already reviewed. So, out of sheer laziness, I will refer you to this post. Little Brother and I were just discussing Nick Popaditch the other day. My "face of the Marines" brother still hasn't read it. You should.

Thankful Thursday: Little Brothers

2010-11-04T09:48:00.000-07:00

Dear Little Brother,

20 years ago, and maybe even in the last 10, I never would have thought we'd end up as good of friends as we are. Talking to you or getting a funny message from you always makes my day. I appreciate that we can always pick up right where we left off and you always seem to get me. You're the best little brother in the world.

To the moon,
Nike

Week 13: A Fictional Book

2010-11-02T10:04:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading The Girl Who Played With Fire, by Stieg Larsson. Here's the thing about me and books... even if I hate a book I have to finish it. It's a matter of principle.

(To date, in my 19 years of reading I have failed to complete three books. Three. You should know I am a prolific reader and during the winter average two books a week.)

That said, I'm not particularly enjoying the Millenium Chronicles. The characters aren't very likeable - though I don't wish any of them ill - and the writing is so very, very slow. Also, I feel there are some key things I'm missing because I don't know a lot about Sweden, namely the geography or the value of a kronor.

I felt much the same at the end of this book as I did at the end of Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Fortunately, this time I knew there was a third book and the book I had had the first twelve pages of the next book. Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest, you had better be worth it.

Thankful Thursday: Eggnog

2010-10-28T16:21:00.000-07:00

Dear Eggnog,

Thank you for only appearing for three months out of the year. I think I might get sick of you if you were more available. It seems blasphemous to say that, but it's probably true. Your absence for most of the year makes it justifiable to be a bit gluttonous while you're present.

And when did you get so dynamic? I used to just drink you cold in a class. Now I can mix you with my other love - chai - or coffee, or eat you in the form of icecream. Way to keep with the times, Eggnog.

We're going to have a beautiful three months together.

Much love,
Nike

Wordless Wednesday: Welcome, Fall

2010-10-27T10:22:00.000-07:00

On Sunday, my best friend, a car full of girls, Jason and I went to the Roloff Farm. It was rainy and cold for most of it, but we still got some good pictures of our annual trip to a pumpkin patch. A good time was had - we'll let the pictures speak for themselves...

What If...

2010-10-26T11:30:00.000-07:00

What if I filled out the application? What if I actually submitted it? What if I was selected? What would my life look like then? What if it's worth it? What if it's not?

It is becoming increasingly obvious that my work life has come to a stalemate. The job I have was a great job, with an organization I am proud to be part of, when I was finishing my college degree. It was never intended to be something permanent - even with the 12-cent raise and additional 4 hrs (woohoo, 28 hrs/week) upon graduation. My career, and life, goals are much bigger than this. I am not cut out to be an assistant and I do not feel good about my performance as of late.

So, I have dug in and am starting the job search process. Looking for jobs is never the problem. On many occasions I have searched craigslist and created an entirely new life in Denver, Phoenix, and, once, in Georgia. It's the actually filling out the application, and should the application get filled out, actually sending it in. I always fail on one of those two fronts.

The two jobs I have found that align with my long-term goals also come with some challenges. Namely, moving. I don't want a commuter marriage, so with moving comes the questions of what to do with my husband's schooling. My heart's desire is that he finish his degree and get his teaching certificate. His heart's desire is I find a job I am fulfilled in and will ultimately help me as I shoot for grad school.

We've been discussing our different options, but the thing that remains the same is my husband's support of me pursuing these options. There's nothing more motivating than that, despite all the "what ifs."

Week 12: This One Time I Answered an Ad...

2010-10-25T12:11:00.000-07:00

An unfortunate day on which we unknowingly ventured into public in the same outfit.

I love my husband, I really really do. But he has this really great trait that quickly becomes annoying and leads to all kinds of unloving thoughts towards him. He's helpful. Sometimes too helpful. Especially when we're running.

Running has never been a passion of mine. I have only recently reached the "someday I want to be really awesome at running" stage. Right now my main goal is to complete a run without walking. Or dying.

My husband, on the other hand, thinks running is thegreatestthingEVER. So, while I am thinking, "You're not going to die, keep going, you're almost there, crap it's only been five minutes, it's okay, you can do this..." he's all smiles and then starts telling me to push harder, pick up my knees, etc, etc. Can you see how this might be a problem?

After a run a few weeks ago when I was having particularly murderous thoughts towards the love of my life, I determined the best thing for our marriage would be if I had options of other people to run with. This led to a craigslist search for running groups.

The running groups I found were way too advanced for me, but I did come across a Running Buddy ad. Which I promptly answered. Then thought, "Nike, you are socially awkward and don't like strangers. Are you insane?!"

This story has a happy ending, though. My new running buddy is married. (I didn't know if the person placing the ad was male or female, so I had a lot of, "my husband and I" language in my response.) The four of us go on runs three times a week and we are all at about the same level. Everyone has something to bring to the table that makes us all stronger runners. It's really a perfect match.

I think answering a running buddy ad may have been one of my best moves of the year. I enjoy running with my husband again, my endurance has increased and my pace has decreased pretty dramatically in the last few weeks. I'll be a running machine yet - watch for us at the Jingle Bell 5K in December!

Thankful Thursday: Tea

2010-10-21T15:01:00.000-07:00

Dear Tea,

Thank you for being warm, delicious, and the perfect excuse to get together with my girlfriends on a Saturday. Our new favorite place, Tea Thyme & Lavender, is an amazing blend of all my/our favorite things: tea, antiques, lavender, and tasty homemade treats. You're alright, Tea, you're alright.

With fondness,

Nike

Full Disclosure: Speedy Turtles Day After

2010-10-21T12:09:00.000-07:00

No longer speedy, just gimpy. Turtle Shell 1 got a makeover

And the tired bunch that stayed over for the award's ceremony. They were a little more lively at breakfast, but hit the wall on the "long" walk back to the car. It was really sad, but the locals call it the "Hood to Coast swagger." Way more awesome than "gimpy." We were like this for about a week. I guess 197 miles will do that do you.

Mixture of some of the people that made 2010 Hood to Coast happen - runners and drivers

Week 6: Speedy Turtles & The Mother of All Relays

2010-10-21T12:00:00.000-07:00

It's my blog and I'll do what I want - even if that means doing stuff out of order. ;-)

The prompt for Week 6 "All About Me" was "whatever tickles your fancy." This is my excuse to share our Hood to Coast story. I know ya'll have been dying to know, despite its passing ~~three weeks~~ a couple months ago...

On Thursday, August 26, eleven runners, two drivers, and a volunteer descended on Pastini's Pastaria in Cedar Hills shopping center. Their mission? To get to know each other before they spent 33+ hours in a vehicle together. Oh, and to load up on carbs. Two runners were complete strangers (thank you H2C forum). One only the Team Captain and her husband had met four days before (again, yay H2C forum). They ate, they laughed, and they talked/asked questions. A lot.

It's 3:45am, it's dark outside and we have running suits on... Hit it!

Turtle Shell 1 hit the road at 4:00 am with their Captain's blessing. They were not blessing her when they arrived on the Mountain before anything was set up. Whatever, they got over it.

Turtle Shell 1 drivers and runners. Recognize two faces? Yeah, that's my family. *so proud*

While Turtle Shell 1 was at the Mountain, running down the mountain, and participating in general awesomeness, Turtle Shell 2 was chilling at the meeting house and eating pancakes.

Heck yeah that's a turtle. Runner 10, Leslie, rocks the griddle.

Eventually, Turtle Shell 2 also had to hit the road. After a pit stop in Clackamas to pick up a runner and a quick photo-op....

One of the drivers and six runners. Turtle Shell 2 power.

Due to their later start, the Turtle Shell 2 peeps were pretty antsy. They arrived at the Sandy Fred Meyer with an hour-plus to spare before runner 6 hit the exchange. This gave the drivers plenty of time to collect some swag and van decorating.


The DH (he injured himself the week before the race, so was relegated to driver) and my cousin. Aren't they adorable?

After some minor incidents (hello dead car battery), Turtle Shell 2 hit the road and started their first set.

Christy, runner 8, hands of to Julie

One of the Team Captain's goals was to find the Iron Mullets. Find them she did...

They had a garage sale the TC found on craigslist. They were delightful And fast.

The Speedy Turtles ran at sunset, in the dark, and slept in fields...

Calvin (Daddy) and Nike at Exchange 12

Hand-off between Shelby (left, runner 7) and Christy at Exchange 25

The one moment the TC took a nap. Until she heard, "Stop stop there's a person!" (She wasn't the person, Runner 9 was)

Turtle Shell 1 provided one of the Team Captain's favorite moments. Runner 6, Crystal, came running into Exchange 31 all smiles and yelled, "I'm beating Jason!" TC turned to see J. Hall booking it after Crystal with the clipboard. TC yelled, "Go Jason, go!" just as Bentley (also a Jason) was pulled into the race for the clipboard hand off.

Crystal running in her last leg

My last leg was a 7.25, mostly on gravel, and was not my favorite. Here's the hand off that set me off to my finish...


Loved handing off with my best friend of 14 years - was terrified moment before this she would be run over by the Honey Bucket truck. Didn't love that.

All in all, the race was one of the most incredible experiences I've ever had. Everyone pulled together at the end and got the job done and had fun doing it. There were times of crying, times of laughing, and times of awkward silence, but it was a worthwhile event.


Turtle Shell II walking to the beach to meet up with Runner 12 and Turtle Shell 1 (photobombed by white hat guy)

It was great to meet up with the rest of the team on the beach and "run" to the finish. The run was supposed to be more of a light jog, but Runner 12 took off. Team Captain fail.

Most of the team could barely walk at this point. Awesome.

2010 Speedy Turtles - mostly novices and they rocked it

2011 application is in the mail. Looking forward to an even more awesome event. It really was "like Woodstock on wheels." Loved every minute of it.

Week 10 & 11: Old and New

2010-10-20T14:54:00.000-07:00

Week 10 was supposed to be a picture of me taken over 10 years ago. Here's the thing - I didn't have a digital camera until after my Freshman year of college and I don't currently have a scanner (I know, right?). So, I'm cheating on the "over 10 years ago" and calling "more than 7 years" good enough. ;-)

2003 High School Graduation Party - it was cruise themed. We all got crazy sunburned on one side of our faces.

Week 11 is a picture of you taken recently... Here's me two weeks ago. Less sunburned. Ha.

Taking the Plunge

2010-10-17T13:42:00.000-07:00

Today my dear friend texted and asked if I'd join her 2011 Polar Plunge team. Um, absolutely! (I chickened out on her last year and they had so much fun I regretted not joining them.)

So, in February I will be jumping into the frigid waters of the Deschutes River with two of my favorite girls and their friends. (And, probably, my favorite boy, but he's needing some extra convincing right now.)

This event is a fundraiser for Oregon Special Olympics and as a team member I will be raising funds over the next four months for this awesome organization. (See bar to the left.) An active lifestyle should be open to all and Oregon Special Olympics takes up the torch to make that happen.

Thankful Thursday: Sushi

2010-10-14T15:18:00.000-07:00

Dear Sushi,

First of all, you're awesome and definitely at the top of my favorite foods list. What I'd like to thank you for today, however, is for your uncanny ability to help build relationships. When I learn people like sushi they instantly become one of my new favorite people. Sure, it's completely possible all we'll have in common is sushi, bu you know what? While we're eating together that time is precious and relationships are deepened.

I'm pretty sure you're the sixth love language.

Love,
Nike

Go Get My Skirt On

2010-10-13T09:57:00.000-07:00

I don't talk a lot about running on here, mainly because I'm disappointed in my current performance, but it is becoming a rather large part of my life. Know what I like best about running? Gadgets. That's right, I'm my father's daughter. Running skirts, hats, reflective gear, and Garmins make my heart go pitter-patter.

I've been drooling over RunningSkirts.com for a month or so now. It's kinda like a mecca for me, but I'm still pretty cheap when it comes to buying gear. Except shoes. I won't skimp on shoes.

Today I received an e-mail titled "Just in time for Army10-miler & Marine Corps' Marathon." Inside? The SkirtCamp Camo collection. (Unfortunately I don't have a link to the collection cause it's being unveiled at the Army10-miler.) Ya'll know I love my military and any chance to support them. Here's an opportunity to make a purchase to boost my running gear and support our injured warriors. It's a win-win!

Watch the video and go visit RunningSkirts.com. Worth it.

**Note: RunningSkirts is based in California and internationally affiliated. The video is for a fundraiser they did for a Canadian-based foundation, Soldier On. US donations go to Marines Helping Marines.***

Ladies & Gentlemen, May I Have Your Attention...

2010-10-12T08:58:00.000-07:00

I would like to direct you to my "Blog Reads" on the right. Go check out Carly Carlson's fantastic post on the photoshoot the boy and I did a few weeks ago. She posts some of the best/funniest on her blog. The Monday Night Posse had a full gallery viewing last night and I just don't know how we're going to decide on our absolute favorites! She did a fantabulous job!

That is all... you may go back to what you were doing. ;-)

*Pictures taken in Baker City, OR and outlying areas.*

Thankful Thursday: Black Fleece Pants

2010-10-07T11:48:00.000-07:00

Dear Pants-I-Bought-to-wear-under-snow-pants-for-Snowshoeing,

Thanks for being awesomely cozy and not making me look too slovenly if I happen to leave the house in you. My legs appreciate the fleecy softness, I appreciate your zipper pockets and comfort. Best Bi-Mart purchase ever.

You rock,

Nike

Feeling the Love

2010-10-07T09:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I received this blog award from Momma Zen. My very first! I found her through a blog hop and have enjoyed seeing her beautiful photography. Go stop by and say, "Hi!" Her husband just deployed, so she could use some extra love.

Now the rules...

1. Accept the award, post it on your blog, and link back to the person who gave it to you.

2. Pay it forward to 15 bloggers you have recently discovered.

3. Contact those blog owners and let them know that they've been chosen.

My picks - fifteen is a lot, so I'm using "recent" loosely:

Tall Mom on the Run - a mama and a runner, she's also dang cool.

SkinnyRunner - funny and runs like a mad woman

Racing With Babes - another mother/runner who PRed at her last 1/2

Wife of A Wounded Soldier - this lady has been through hell and back with so much grace and inspires me every day

Rough and Rede - my former blog prof, I love the variety of his posts

Marine Wife Unplugged - another inspirational military spouse with a beautiful eye for photography

Make Yourself at Home - Laura is a peach, you should get to know her

Aki's Instant Noodles - Ingredients: Recollections (62.4%), Observations (27.3%), Opinion (9.1%), FD&C Yellow #5 (1.2%); go give it a try

Pink Spandex - randomness of two twenty-somethings balancing life, work, beer, and exercise (Plus they're my favorite people in the world.)

Ok, just one more beer... - discovered this awesome gal yesterday she's amazing and hilarious!

one step at a time... - mother, retired military spouse, crafter of beautiful ornaments

Treble Maker - talented singer friend of a friend who is both witty and inspiring

A{muse}ing Mommy on a Pink Park Bench - Nikki makes me laugh, and think, every day

Southern Hospitality - need to be refreshed? Go visit this lovely Southern belle

In My Own Words - retired Canadian teacher with a refreshing sense of wit and insight

Fear

2010-10-06T16:33:00.000-07:00

"What would you do if you knew you could not fail?" ~ Robert H. Schuller

What is it that holds us back from doing the thing we most want to do? What keeps us from achieving our full potential? If you're anything like me, it's fear of failure. Failure - and disappointing people I care about - is my kryptonite. Interestingly enough, I've never failed at anything I set my mind to do - but the caveat to that is I've also never taken any huge risks.

Here's what I would do if I knew I couldn't fail:

Finish the cover letter for my quasi dream job instead of typing about it.
Apply to Grad school this winter for fall term.
Teach in a foreign country for a couple years
Run a marathon.
Start a private practice

Most of those things are relatively simple and easy to accomplish as long as a plan is in place. I'm good at making plans and organizing when it's something that needs to be done. I'm not so good at taking risks, even if the reward would be greater than the fear I feel now.

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

Tear My Heart Open, Sew Myself Shut

2010-10-05T15:39:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been thinking about the challenges of growing up. Several of the teens I mentored are now in their twenties and it's interesting seeing them go through the same things I went through five years ago, and still struggle with today. Balancing old relationships and new ones. Becoming more independent. Realizing sometimes you have to let go of things to make room for new ones.

I don't have life figured out. And whenever I think I do, something crazy comes along and reminds me I'm still learning. I'm still trying to hold on to parts of my past - hurts, joys, and people - and I'm not convinced that's a bad thing. At least the joys and people part.

What I'm starting to realize is I'm holding on to some of those things/people so tight that they're suffering. The relationships aren't growing because I'm not allowing them to mature. I'm so possessive of them that everything is seen as a threat. That's not healthy, nor mature.

Yeah, I've still got a lot to learn.

Week 9: A Photo that You Took

2010-10-04T13:18:00.000-07:00

Snail at Camp Reehers

Most of the pictures I post I have taken. The one above I took the first day of our disastrous first camping trip of the season. (That is, before we got rained out and I woke up in a flooded tent.) I'm pretty proud of it.

PS: I Love You

2010-10-01T13:44:00.000-07:00

While driving back to work on Wednesday after a two hour hiatus, I was thinking about the little things we do for our loved ones that say, "PS: I love you." See, I had just spent two hours at my friends' house because I had a bit of an emotional breakdown at work and needed to leave. I texted both of my girlfriends to ask if someone was home cause I needed to not be at work and they replied, "Yep, come on over."

Once at the house I was still feeling the anxiety and angst of whatever caused the emotional relapse, but we didn't talk about it. My favorite four-year-old kept me distracted, the girls and I visited, the four-year-old and I had lunch together, and then I headed back to work. No one pushed me about what was wrong, no one commented on my fleeing from work in the middle of the day (benefits of having a part-time job). They just let me be.

On the way back I realized that was my friends telling me they love me. They knew I needed an escape and provided a reprieve. I wonder what my life would look like if I was intentional about post scripting every interaction with "I love you." Something small that tells the people around me how much they mean to me.

What are your "PS: I love you"s?

Thankful Thursday: Ugh

2010-09-30T11:58:00.000-07:00

Dear Days-When-there-Doesn't-Seem-to-be-Much-to-be-Thankful-For,

Thank you for being few and far between. I know I'm blessed, even when it doesn't feel that way.

Peace,

Nike

Week 8: A Photo That Makes You Sad/Angry

2010-09-29T10:07:00.000-07:00

Well, if last week was a celebration, happy picture, here's the picture that made it so. Ugh.

Cupcake Nike, September 2008

Thankful Thursday: Seasons

2010-09-23T09:48:00.000-07:00

Dear Fall,

Thank you for providing an awesome array of colors. Sure, you're chilly and smell like burning fields and dust, but without you we wouldn't have winter, spring, or summer. Changing of the seasons is kinda exciting - like a fresh start every 3-4 months.

All the best,

Nike

Week 7: A Photo That Makes You Happy

2010-09-20T10:33:00.000-07:00

*Note: I realize Week 6 isn't up. It's turning into a rather in-depth post, so it's going to be late. This one was easy.

Nike & Jason, Baker City, OR - photo copyrighted Carly Carlson Photography

The photo above is our "sneak peak" from our photo shoot this weekend with my dear friend Carly, of Carly Carlson Photography. (Go give her some blog love and "like" her on Facebook!) The girl is a whiz with the camera and I am so excited to see how the rest of the shots turned out. Thanks Carly!

This photo makes me happy for a couple reasons...

One, that guy next me? I'm pretty much in love with him. Like, crazy in love. I'm very much enjoying forever with him.

Two, this is the first picture taken since our wedding that looks like "us." If you'll allow me to dive into the shallow for a moment, we both gained a lot of weight after marrying. We were both unhappy about it, but introducing change to our lives took awhile. We've worked hard and it's great to have tangible evidence that it's paying off. (To see the picture that started the revolution click here. Ugh.)

Lastly, the colors of this picture are awesome. Carly said, "Go down the stairwell, just trust me," and we did. Even if this is the only frame of the 500 she shot that turned out, it is well worth the investment.

Timing

2010-09-16T15:01:00.000-07:00

I don't believe in coincidences. I don't really believe in fate either. I believe we make our own path and that there is reason and purpose in everything. With that in mind, I am struck by the timing of coming across this song.

Saving Jane has the soundtrack to my life. It's uncanny, really. Girl Next Door describes my inner battle with myself. Autumn and Me always makes me think of my best friend. Most of her songs have an acoustic sound I usually don't like, but I love it when it's Saving Jane.

For my 99th post I wrote about faith, God, and free will. How fitting I should come across Grace, sung by Saving Jane. This song speaks to where I am right now, where I've been, and I could have written the line "as I fumble with the gift of free will..."

Thankful Thursday: Running

2010-09-16T11:30:00.000-07:00

11 of the Speedy Turtles. Also my greatest fail as Captain.

Dear Running,

Thank you for sucking less when I'm surrounded by people I love. Even the ones who make me batty. Let's meet up more often. We'll be friends one day.

All the best,
Nike

El Shaddai

2010-09-15T10:41:00.000-07:00

A fellow blogger has inspired me to examine some of my thoughts in regards to God, faith, and what it all means to me. This is my reflection.

Religion is not something I have ever acknowledged as part of my life. Sure, I "grew up in the Church." My family has a long-standing faith practice and we observe the Christian calendar. Despite all the outwardly appearances, nothing makes my skin crawl more than being referred to as "religious."

For me, it has never been about the meal time prayers, church attendance, Bible study groups, or do-gooded-ness that seems to scream "Religious!" for most people. Religion is something you do, but is not something you feel. I have no room in my life for religion.

My "religion" has always been about relationship and my actions pour out from that place - a personal relationship with the Messiah and relationship with humanity. I have shared before that I am finding my way back to that place of peace that I have when I am secure in my relationship with Christ.

When confronted with the possibility that there is not an all-loving god I had a very strong gut reaction. After several classes with Dr. Ben Anderson-Nathe, I have learned to delve into what value system is causing that reaction. So, I explored those feelings...

After a couple days of mulling, I think what I read, "I thoroughly reject any possibility of an all-loving god," and where I went with that, "God is/does not love," was the root of my reaction.

*Warning: I will now dive down a rabbit hole that has little connection, except in my head, to the subject at hand...*

I have a deep appreciation for the Hebrew language, especially the names for God. Jehovah-Shalom, The LORD our peace. Adonai, Lord. Jehovah-Jireh, the Lord will provide. These names hold meaning for me. What I did not find in the list of 60+ names was "God of Love" or "All-loving God."

*Popping back from the rabbit hole now..."

The conclusion I came to is my God is not all-loving. All-loving limits the grace and power I have felt. My God loves, but also extends free-will. Free will is a beautiful, wonderful, and in some ways tragic concept.

God extends free-will to all of humanity. It is because of this gift disaster and tragedy reigns seemingly unchecked. This concept has always made sense to me on a level I can't explain in words. I believe God has a perfect plan for each of us, but we have the choice to lean on Him and be sensitive to direction or try and go it alone. Going it alone has never worked out well for me.

Love, as I define it, would not step in to prevent mistakes. That is part of the tragedy of free-will. Sometimes, in our humanity, we commit heinous acts against our fellow brothers. My heart breaks for every tragedy and hurt I am exposed to - be it mine or someone else's. I believe the Father's heart breaks even more. I don't believe God is powerless to stop it, but to do so would be to forfeit our free-will. A little known (and slightly irritating) band, Lost & Found, has a beautiful song illustrating this conflict... (sorry, I couldn't find audio.)

Ever since you went away, I have been watching night and day. Oh I could have made you stay, but it would not be love that way... You have always been free and always a part of me.What was I supposed to do? I would not put chains on you.

Some see that as weakness. Why not stop all the evil if you have the power to? That time is coming, but it is not now. Now we live in a broken world, but I see the love and grace of the Father in (almost) all of it.

It's in the words of the young mother who came home from delivery empty handed and brokenhearted, but a year into her mourning said, "This I know, God is not in the sky. I have felt Him."

It's in the face of the teen reaching out to help an old man who recently lost his wife. In the smile of strangers. In the hugs of friends. It's in every act of kindness that is poured out when our neighbors near and far suffer.

Most of all, I feel that grace and love in every fiber of my being in those moments I slow down. My life is testament and I need look no further than the people I have been blessed to share this life with to see that love and grace in action.

My God may not be all-loving, but He is El Shaddai, God All-Sufficient.

5 Question Friday: Getting to Know You

2010-09-10T11:40:00.000-07:00

It's Friday again! Go link up with Mama M to join in!

1. Do you feel guilty spending money on yourself?

Not usually. At some point in life I decided if I didn't spoil myself no one else would. This mindset says a lot about me, actually.

2. How well do you know your neighbors?

I talk to Ron and Alex next door whenever I see them and consider them friends. I keep trying to get to know all my neighbors, but the driveway into the cul de sac is the great divide and it's only people on my side that will even talk to me, with one exception, and my plans for a beloved community keep falling short.

3. What age are you looking forward to being?

I had always looked forward to being 25. I'm still finding it an odd age to be. Mid-twenties, how the heck did that happen? After this... I guess 50. My aunts make it look amazing.

4. Do you get excited when the mail comes? Why?

I used to. Then someone invented e-mail so the mail became less exciting.

5. What is your earliest childhood memory?

Shoving my brother's face into chocolate pudding when I was three. I have ones that were probably earlier, but that was the first to come to mind.

Thankful Thursday: Marriage

2010-09-09T11:58:00.000-07:00

Mr. & Mrs. Bentley. September 8, 2007

Three years ago I sat in the Bridal Suite of Old Laurelhurst Church, anxiously awaiting 6:00 pm and surrounded by my best friends. At 22 years of age I had found the one I knew I was meant to share my life with. Jason was everything I had dreamed of - patient, funny, a fair fighter, compassionate, and supportive - and I couldn't wait to embark on our next adventure: marriage.

Anniversary dinner at Benihana's. My first time.

Yesterday marked our three-year anniversary. In November we will have been married longer than we dated. Neither of us knew what the future would hold when we said our vows before our family and friends, but we both entered into the union knowing we would face whatever came our way together. I believe that has been the cornerstone of our marriage's success: we talk about everything and do everything together. We seek the best for each other in every decision we make, both as individuals and as a couple, and the joy in our marriage is testament to that.

I still don't know what the future holds for us, and I'm okay with that. What I do know is I am blessed beyond measure to have Jason as my husband and as long as we keep choosing each other every day our adventure will only get sweeter.

Miss Goody-Two-Shoes Got a Tattoo

2010-09-08T15:28:00.000-07:00

At some point in my life, notably around age 13, I got a reputation for being judgmental and a goody-two-shoes. (Would someone please explain that term to me?) I'm not sure what spurred that or how it followed me into adulthood, but that is precisely what happened.

As best as I can tell, I am perceived as judgmental because I hold myself to a very high moral code. Please read that again. I hold myself to a very high moral code. I do not expect that others live by my standards. Where would be the fun in that?

The goody-two-shoes part I more easily understand. I don't drink (much). I don't swear (often). And I don't smoke. I don't have an aversion to any of those things, I just don't have any use for them in my life. Alcohol is not a social lubricant for me - it makes me sleepy and less fun to be around - so I limit my intake. I was profoundly influenced by a For Better or For Worse comic strip about the beauty of language when I was a child and never had any use for swearing. (Sometimes nothing less than a good swear will do, but for the most part I sound ridiculous when I swear, so I don't.) Smoking is a nasty habit I never picked up. That's really all there is to it. I do enjoy a good "chick cigar" from time to time, but it's not really something I have occasion for often.

Somewhere along the way I also got the reputation, mainly among my mother and siblings, that I am a horrific prude. Which I find hilarious and take advantage of often. We'll just leave it at that.

So, all that said, I should not have been surprised by the reaction to my coming home with a tattoo. (Coming home used metaphorically, no one in my home was surprised.) I have talked about getting a tattoo for six years, but never knew what I wanted or where I wanted to put it. Tattoos became more mainstream my Junior year of high school and many girls went to Boise on their 18th birthdays to get what are now known as tramp stamps. So glad I didn't go through with that plan.

Three years ago I decided I wanted a memorial tattoo for my friend, Rhiannon. I thought about getting something similar to the 4sailors.com logo, but was (appropriately) mocked for that idea. I still wanted some form of sailboat, though, but could never find the right design for the size I wanted (smallish). Sailboats get cheesy really fast. The second inhibitor to my getting a tattoo was I really didn't want to go by myself.

During the hike to Lonesome Pine on Sunday I was carrying on with my whining about the girls going to get tattoos without me earlier in the week. (Ya'll have realized I don't let go of things easily, right?) Lynn, Rhiannon's mom, had asked me what I wanted to get and I told her a sailboat for Rhiannon and she said, "You could do that, but what about a compass rose?" I instantly loved the idea and knew that was what I should do. At that moment my friend said, "Actually, we found a tattoo parlor in Baker and were going to take you there this afternoon." (What she didn't say was, "So you'll quit your whining," but it was understood.)

Lynn, Nike, and artist Lindsay at Shifty's Tattoo.

Lynn helped me pick the design and colors at the tattoo parlor, which was conveniently open on Sunday because the owner's girlfriend was out of town, and she and my best friend sat with me while the work was done. Having them there made it that much more meaningful.

The work was painful. Some of it was more irritating than painful, but pain was involved (think having a needle drug over your skin and bee stings). The thing I can't explain is somehow going through that process and having a beautiful piece to remember my friend with released something in me. I went home to my parents that evening and cried, really cried, for the first time in three years. The pain of loss has always been there, but I've never acknowledged it.

Part of me feels as though I've taken a step back because I am actually feeling the grief and hurt. Another part sees this as a huge stepping off point. During my counseling session yesterday I did some more crying and told my counselor about my weekend. As I was blabbering I realized there's a part of me that has been holding back from life because Rhiannon's gone. She experienced everything first - driving, boyfriends, moving away from home, etc - and in many ways paved the way for the rest of us. Her choices weren't always wise, but she set out to do whatever she set her mind to.

Part of me feels guilty for living life and doing things she'll never experience. Turning 23 was really difficult for me cause all I could think was Rhiannon didn't come home for her 23rd birthday and for the first time I was older than she'll ever be.

From this point on I am taking steps to live life intentionally and with purpose. Being consumed by grief is not what she would want. Holding back from experiencing life to the fullest does not honor her memory. She is with me in memory and in spirit and the best way to acknowledge that is to chase after my dreams as fearlessly as she did.

Compass Rose for maritime direction.
As long as you know where North is you will always find your way home.

Week 5: Favorite Quote

2010-09-07T10:17:00.000-07:00

To narrow down a favorite quote is just too hard. I have been collecting quotes since I was ten or eleven years old. My high school locker was covered in them and I drew comfort, inspiration, and motivation from each one. A collection of the ones I turn to often...

"Be the change you want to see in the world." --Ghandi

"Democrats aren't evil and God isn't Republican." --My political motto

"Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people." --Eleanor Roosevelt

"Life is ten percent circumstance and ninety percent how you react to it" --Charles Swindoll

“For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.”-- Audrey Hepburn

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." --Marilyn Monroe

From Sea to Land: Rhiannon Remembered

2010-09-06T08:04:00.000-07:00

The Borisoff's Broken Heart by Lone Pine Tree

This weekend had more packed into it than even I could imagine and I tend to fill up my weekends really well. I will attempt a coherent post, but even now I am overwhelmed by yesterday's emotions.

Every year, on or around May 7th, I write a post reflecting on Rhiannon. My heart still hurts and I am also stricken by guilt for not taking as good of care of Rhiannon's parents as she would have done for mine. They are wonderful people who lost their only child and we are their only link now. I'm trying to do better.

Yesterday, a couple of the girls and I picked up Rhiannon's mom, Lynn, to hike up to Lone Pine where she and Mike had set a broken, heart shaped rock in the ground, along with a time capsule of Rhiannon's mementos. Mike, Rhi's dad, had always wanted to take Rhiannon up there but it never worked out, so when they serendipitously found the rock they knew that was where it needed to go.

It is a hard climb up a steep hill with no path. There is a lot of sage brush, prairie dog holes, and rabbit brush. We had to take a few breaks, but with every step the tree came a little closer. The view from the top, mixed with the emotions of Rhiannon having "a place" made it worth it. For the first time I feel like I can really grieve. This is both scary and relieving.

Lynn said this may be her last trip to the tree. Now that we know where it is, we will continue to visit it and keep remembering.

The tree complete with eagle's nest

Week 4: My Favorite Book

2010-09-03T09:24:00.000-07:00

I am a prolific reader and always have been. My tastes tend to run to historical fiction, top sellers, and whatever I happen to cross in the library or bookstore. Below are a few of my favorites based on the following criteria: number of times I've read the book, how often I think about the book years later, and recommendability of the book.

1) Pretense, Lori Wick. I have read this book no less than five times and every time I do I pick up some new gem in it. As I type this I'm thinking, "Hey, I haven't read this book since I married. Wonder what new insights I'll find now."

The Amazon editorial review wrote the following:

Marrell, a happily married army wife, adores her family, but throughout her life she’s felt something missing. When she discovers that the void is spiritual, she is afraid to tell her husband. Will he understand that he cannot meet all of her needs, and that she cannot meet all of his? Covering the lives of Marrell and her two daughters, Mackenzie and Delancey, from the 1970s to the 1990s, Pretense is a character–rich novel written from Lori’s heart that shows the patient love of God and the promise of His forgiveness for all who seek Him.

2) Poisonwood Bible, Barbara Kingsolver. I have read this book twice and think of it often. The story is so... haunting, for lack of a better description. When I read it I had several missionary friends and wondered about their experiences in Papau New Guinea; Johannesburg, Africa; etc. In many ways, this book was my first introduction to exploring different cultures and cultural tolerance. Even with my limited knowledge of cultural acceptance, fanatical Nathan's approach to converting the natives was so awful it has stuck with me and has helped monitor my own interactions in regards to faith and God.

From Amazon: The year is 1959 and the place is the Belgian Congo. Nathan, a Baptist preacher, has come to spread the Word in a remote village reachable only by airplane. To say that he and his family are woefully unprepared would be an understatement: "We came from Bethlehem, Georgia, bearing Betty Crocker cake mixes into the jungle," says Leah, one of Nathan's daughters. But of course it isn't long before they discover that the tremendous humidity has rendered the mixes unusable, their clothes are unsuitable, and they've arrived in the middle of political upheaval as the Congolese seek to wrest independence from Belgium. In addition to poisonous snakes, dangerous animals, and the hostility of the villagers to Nathan's fiery take-no-prisoners brand of Christianity, there are also rebels in the jungle and the threat of war in the air. Could things get any worse? In fact they can and they do.

3) The Secret Life of Bees, Sue Monk Kidd. If you haven't read this book, please stop reading this and take yourself to your local library. Run, don't walk. How have you not read this?

I don't know what it is about this book that captures me so much. Maybe it's my obsession with the South. Maybe my fascination with bees. Maybe I identify with Lily on some level - constantly trying to make up for a shattered childhood. Whatever the reason, this book is sure to be a classic.

(As a side note, do not read Sue Monk Kidd's The Mermaid Chair. It was awful.)

There you have it. In short, the three books I'd take to a deserted island if I could only have three. If I could take more I would take Harry Potter 1-7, Twilight and Breaking Dawn, and a few of Philippa Gregory's books.

Happy reading!

5 Question Friday: My House

2010-09-03T08:36:00.000-07:00

Sorry it's been so long! I have a ton of things to tell ya'll about, but the boy is doing midterms and I haven't had a moment at the computer. Lots of posts re: family, old friends, and the Hood to Coast coming soon!

For now, Mama M at My Little Life, hostess of 5 Question Friday, is at it again. Be sure to visit her and link up!

1. What do you do when you have time to yourself?

Sleep. I'm a champion napper. I also like to sit on my balcony, drink tea, watch the birds, and read a book.

2. When you look out your kitchen window, what do you see?

A Japanese Maple, my grill, and lots of squirrels.

3. Who/What would you want to be reincarnated as?
Claire, our little tabby cat. That kitty has the life. Or a hummingbird. They're pretty fascinating.

4. What is your biggest pet peeve about other people's kids?

Do you mean what pet peeves do I have about other people in relation to their kids? I don't have any pet peeves about other people's kids cause I believe kids are a reflection of their parents. I can't stand it when kids are disrespectful, but when the parents are not being firm when the situation calls for it and becomes just as whiny as the child, why would you expect respectful behavior?

5. Regular or Diet soda?

Regular. Diet leaves a weird taste in my mouth.

Thankful Thursday: Direct Friends

2010-08-19T10:29:00.000-07:00

Dear Direct Friend,

Thanks for standing up for me when I won't do it myself - or don't know about the situation and therefore can't. Thank you also for scolding me for not asking for help and trying to do everything on my own. Which leads to funny conversations with the boy like:

"C scolded me today for not asking for help." - Me
"Good. You need to ask for help." - DH
"Shut up... Yeah, I know." - Me

Your delivery can be a little harsh at times, but I know it's coming from a place of caring.

Thank you,
Nike

Generations

2010-08-18T20:08:00.000-07:00

Family is incredibly important to me. I have been blessed with a close-knit, without being overbearing, family and I am often reminded of just how amazing that it.

My Aunt Deb stayed with us this weekend before flying home to Illinois. She hung out at the Washington Square mall while I attended to my housecleaning job. When I called to tell her I had finished she told me she was sitting with Aunt Lou at the mall.

I live about a mile from my great-aunt, but they are always on the go and so are we so we have not gotten together since we moved here. We see each other at family functions and I often see their car driving down the road. It was so nice to sit and listen to my aunts talk about marriage, family, raising kids, etc. Things that I have very little knowledge on, but enjoy listening to.

As I was listening to the wisdom that comes with 80 years of life and nearly 60 years of marriage, I looked over at Aunt Deb and how intently she was listening to Aunt Lou. It suddenly struck me that there were three generations sitting at the table. My Aunt Deb who is my best friend and mentor, and her aunt who has been her mentor and is also my aunt. This is my family and even at 25, er, especially at 25, I still have so much to learn from them.

When Aunt Deb and I left we talked about how much wisdom Aunt Lou has and how helpful it is to hear advice on life and the situations we are in now from the perspective of someone 20, 30, 50 years removed from it. I told her how fitting it was for Aunt Lou to urge us to live "real" lives, have real discussions about thoughts and ideas, and to be honest with people about how we're feeling considering my current state. I also shared how I was completely overwhelmed to be sitting with my two aunts and all I have to learn from them. Aunt Deb replied, "Whenever I'm in those situations I think, 'This is my family. This is who I come from,' and how amazing that is."

I love my people. I am very much a family girl. I hope one day I can share this same experience with my Aunt Deb and my own, God willing, niece. I look forward to seeing the growth in myself, and my aunt 25 years from now.

Week 3: Favorite TV Show

2010-08-17T14:16:00.000-07:00

Bones. Hands down. Dr. Temperance "Bones" Brennan, Agent Booth, and the Squints are welcome in my living room any time. The show is a good mix of science, investigation, humor, action, and a bit of romance.

(Granted, Bones suffered from the writer's strike a couple years ago with the axing of Zach, but I like to pretend that never happened since they've had some good interns since then... I'm still a little bitter, though.)

Thankful Thursday: Sore Muscles

2010-08-12T09:35:00.000-07:00

Dear Sore Muscles,

Thanks for confirming I am being active. I know I whine a lot, but without the achy reminders I might give up the whole trying-to-be-athletic thing altogether. Jillian Michaels always says, "Pain is fear leaving the body. When it hurts the most that's when change is going to happen," and we don't want to make her out to be a liar now do we? No, we do not.

Week 2: Favorite Movie

2010-08-10T10:37:00.000-07:00

I have been putting off this post. First off, I'm not much of a movie watcher and never have been. Which is ironic, because I wasn't much of a get-outside-and-do-stuff kid either. I'm not sure what I did - read and journal I guess - while my siblings watched A Goofy Movie, Superman series, and Dumbo on repeat.

So, I've been thinking long and hard. I usually give a pat answer to this - whatever pops into my head first: Hope Floats, Kate & Leopold, Blind Side, Gladiator, The Notebook, 50 First Dates, So I Married an Axe Murderer... the list goes on. Then someone says another movie and I say, "Oh yeah, I loved that movie!"

The movie that I've decided to list as my favorite feels like a cheat, because it's also a Broadway musical. EVITA with Madonna and Antonio Banderas gives me chills every time I watch it. I bought the full soundtrack so I can listen to it over and over. It's history, music, and complex relationships all in one.

After that, it's a long list of go-to movies: Aristocats, Bolt, Kung Fu Panda, and just about any Meg Ryan, Julia Roberts (except Notting Hill, yuck), Russell Crowe, or Sandra Bullock film. ;-)

5 Question Friday: Wishing and Wanting

2010-08-06T11:49:00.000-07:00

Mama M at My Little Life, hostess of 5 Question Friday, is roaming about the Black Hills, but is so dedicated the questions are up. Be sure to visit her and link up!

1. Are you a neat sleeper or a messy sleeper?

Traditionally, neat. The kitties always sleep next to me because I don't move. Due to recent events I haven't been sleeping well which has also resulted in a lot of thrashing around. I'm very much looking forward to being a neat sleeper again.

2. Fill in the blank. I wish I was more ________________.

Athletic. I'm getting better about pursuing athletic things, I just wish it wasn't so much work (both mentally and physically). ;-)

3. What is something that you wish you had been warned about?

How stressful being a Hood to Coast Team Captain would be! Who knew, right? 21 days and no more injuries, no more update e-mails, no more finding safety gear, no more managing. (This has been a great experience so far, I'm just kinda exhausted at this point. Ha.)

4. What was the best think you ever found at a garage sale/flea market?

Ummm... I find cool stuff all the time, now I'm trying to remember one of those items. The sewing desk/cabinet my husband found me is one of my favorite new-to-me treasures. At some point (when my sewing corner is set up) I will post pictures. The awesomeness of the desk cannot be described in words.

5. If you could have any meal brought to you right now, what would it be?

I've been drawing food blanks this week. Nothing sounds good. I've been hungry a lot lately from all the training, so I think I'm burnt out on eating. The thing about being burnt out on food is you still have to eat. Baked mussels are always a hit. Ooh, actually, now that the wheels are turning, the apple porkchop dish from Cheesecake Factory sounds divine right about now.

Happy Friday!

Thankful Thursday: Furbabies

2010-08-05T23:02:00.000-07:00

Dear Claire,

We brought you home three years ago. I wanted a cuddly kitty and you have never let me down. You're almost 4 years old, but your kitten side still comes out in the most random of ways. Like when you discovered the paper bag was fun or today when you sat on all the toys and dared Donte to take them from you. Thank you for being so lovable and comforting. Everyone should have a kitty as wonderful as you.

Love, Mom

Dear Donte,

I wasn't sure what to make of you when we brought you home last August. You were to be Jason's cat and he thought you were awesome. It took me a while to get used to you. Unfairly, I compared you to our furbaby who we unexpectedly had to put down and the pain of that decision was still too fresh to open my heart to you. I called you Legs for months because I couldn't remember your name and I'd never seen a cat as lanky as you. You never stop moving (unless you're "helping" with laundry), so I've not been able to measure you, but I'm pretty sure you're three feet long with 5' arms. Right now you are sprawled across the desk napping. I don't know how you do it. You crack me up when you meow and run around the house like your tail is on fire. I've recently become amused by your propensity to move items in the house around. Thank you for being so persistently lovable and being a constant stress reliever. You're all right, floppy cat.

Love, Nike

Week 1: Favorite Song

2010-08-03T07:42:00.000-07:00

I love music. It always seems to express who I am and how I'm feeling so much better than I do. My all time favorites are Kokomo by the Beach Boys and Don't Worry, Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin. I remember Dad playing those for me as far back as when I was four...

I appreciate all music, so I always having trouble picking a "favorite." Right now I'm really digging Way Out Here by Josh Thompson. It reminds me of home. Enjoy.

The Journey: Rediscovering Self

2010-08-02T13:21:00.000-07:00

"You must dare to disassociate yourself from those who would delay your journey... Leave, depart, if not physically, then mentally. Go your own way, quietly, undramatically, and venture toward trueness at last." ~ Vernon Howard

I have been on a journey of sorts for the last several months. Trying to remember who I am... my values... my beliefs... my true self. It's been upsetting. Challenging. Unnerving. And I'm not finished yet. In fact, the real work is just beginning.

Last fall I learned some things, and re-remembered things, about my past that have had an unexpected affect on my present. I've shared before that I have always been the one to take care of everyone else and in doing that I have neglected to take care of myself. I didn't think that was a problem. Then the irrational anger started, followed by spontaneous cry-fests, leading up to a glorious two months of not sleeping or having night terrors when I've always been a sleeping pro. (They would be called night terrors if I was two, I don't know what the term is when you're 25, so we'll just go with that.) Now I have all of it.

After several months of fighting against it, I have heeded the advice of people who love me and have started the path to counseling. I met with a professional last Friday and have decided to try working with her starting this Wednesday.

When I first realized there were bigger issues than I could handle on my own, or with the love of my support system, my husband and I knew this may be where the path led. I have held my cards, so to speak, very close to the vest for a number of reasons, none of which were shame. I want to be very clear on that: there is absolutely no shame in admitting you need help and if talking to a counselor is where your path takes you, embrace it.

I told my husband at the beginning of this journey that if/when I began counseling it would not be a secret, but until then I felt more comfortable with as few people knowing what was going on as possible. As I recently told K, "I can't be an advocate for reducing mental health stigma if I am not honest about my own struggles."

That is not to say I'm not struggling with an onslaught of emotions. I'm still pissed to be in this place to being with. The rational people in my life are telling me those feelings are valid. I want to forget and move on, but that hasn't worked out so well the last few months. My foundation has a fracture in it and its put everything else helter skelter as well.

I'm hopeful that seeing this counselor will help me move past this to a place of healing. I'm terrified of what else might come out over the next several months, but mostly hopeful. I know the work I need to do, I just really need direction to get it done. (I know ya'll just said, "Git R done," admit it... okay, bad joke.) Most of all, I am feeling so blessed to have a husband who has stuck by me through the roller coaster of emotions and such a wonderful support system. That makes all the difference.

Sarah's Key: Never Forget

2010-08-02T11:05:00.000-07:00

It has been awhile since I read a book that touched me so deeply I felt compelled to share it. (In fact, it was over a year ago after reading Once a Marine, by Nick Popaditch). Sarah's Key by Tatianna de Rosnay has so compelled me.

Historical fiction is one of my favorite genres, especially in conjunction with World War II, the Holocaust, and mideval kingdoms. Sarah's Key intertwines two stories, one of 10-year-old Sarah in occupied France in 1942, the other of Julia Jarmond, an American journalist married into a French family in modern day Paris.

The book begins with police pounding on the door of the Starzynki's apartment on July 16,1942. Naive to the situation, and having no reason to fear French police, Sarah locks her four-year-old brother in their secret cupboard, promising to return after everything has been straightened out with the police.

Sarah's papa had been hiding in the cellar as rumors of a "big round up" had been circulating. No one anticipated, under orders of the French police, all the Jews would be rounded up, including French born children. In the middle of the night, they were taken to the Velodrome d'Hiver on city buses and left in deplorable conditions before being sent on city buses and city trains to outlying "work camps" and then, ultimately, to their deaths at Auschwitz.

60 years later, Julia Jarmond is asked to research the Vel' d'Hiv' roundup as part of an anniversary article for her magazine. Julia is confronted with the horror of that night, shame for not knowing, and anger at how the French government and people refuse to acknowledge what happened. The more she learns and researches, the more she starts to unlock family secrets and a horrific history. In the end she must decide for herself the value of life and the price of honesty.

Sarah's story is heartbreaking. Julia's is one of awareness. Neither should be ignored and I won't soon forget either of their stories.

At the end of the book I felt very much how Julia did, "I am so, so sorry... I am sorry for not knowing."

***

Historical note: July 16-17, 1942 13,000 French Jews were rounded up from Paris and its suburbs and taken to the Velodrome d'Hiver. They were then loaded on buses and sent to Loiret. On July 20, children were forcibly removed from their mothers at Loiret. The mothers were sent on to Auschwitz gas chambers; the children to Drancy, unaccompanied and mostly unidentified, then to Auschwitz and death. Roughly 4,000 children were massacred as a result of Operation Spring Wind. Click here for more info.

5QF: In Living Color

2010-07-30T09:11:00.000-07:00

Be sure to check out Mama M at My Little Life, hostess of 5 Question Friday.

1. Did you have a favorite blanket or toy as a kid? If so, do you still have it?

Snowball the white kitty was my most loved stuffed animal for years. I vaguely remember the day I got her. Dad was carrying me in a gift shop of sorts (maybe in a hospital?) and I picked her up. In my mind she was already mine, but since I have no memory and there are no pictures of her prior to this my adult brain tells me that was probably not the case. I still have her, though she's currently residing in a garbage bag in my garage until I can find a home for her and Short Ears and Floppy Ears.

2. Do you dream in color?

Yes, in vivid color. And I remember my dreams in great detail, which the boy thinks is strange.

3. How tall are you? Do you wish you were shorter or taller?

I am 5' 3". I wish my 5'3" was stretched out a little more - I have a short waist and short legs - but I've grown quite fond of my stature other than that.

4. If you could have anyone's (celeb or other) voice as the guide on your GPS, who would it be?

Morgan Freeman, hands down. I could listen to his voice all day.

5. Do you return your shopping cart to the corral or leave it wherever in the parking lot?

I put it back cause it irritates me when people don't.

Thankful for Places

2010-07-29T09:37:00.000-07:00

Dear Phillip's Lake,

Thank you for being a memory keeper and a place of retreat. I am just as at home on your shores or floating on your water as in my parents home.

All the best,
Nike

Dear Puerto Vallarta,

Thank you for being an awesome (surprise) honeymoon location. I remember your sandy beaches, lukewarm water, and killer monsoons with great fondness. We often sip on the alamendra o café tequila and recount the story of its making - three guys and a donkey - with affection.

Until we meet again.

Besitos,
Nike

Dear Hug Point,

We found you by accident and you quickly became our favorite day trip getaway. We never check the tide, so it's always a surprise - will there be pelicans? Will we be able to get to the tidepools? It's sunny here, will it still be sunny when we get there? Every trip is an adventure and we treasure every moment and memory made.

Thank you,
Nike

New Project

2010-07-28T09:46:00.000-07:00

I came across a blog idea helper sort of thing last week. It was called "30 Days of ME." That seems a little excessive, but I am thinking 30 weeks would be doable and allow for other, possibly more interesting, topics to chime in.

Now, a little glimpse of my weekend...

Phillip's Lake as seen from the boat

5QF: TP and Parties

2010-07-23T09:25:00.000-07:00

Be sure to check out Mama M at My Little Life, hostess of 5 Question Friday.

1. What were your school colors?

High School was purple and gold - The pride and power that we hold exists in the heart of the purple and gold. I can almost sing the mascot song... but I won't.

2. What's the best compliment you ever received?

"You're smart. You're funny. And, dangit, people like you." I'm not sure that's the best, but it is the one that popped into my head first cause it always makes me laugh.

3. Do you buy cheap or expensive toilet paper?

I think it's middle of the road. I will not tolerate one ply nonsense. It may be cheaper, but it gets used up way faster. I recently realized we buy toilet paper about once a year - mind you, there's only two of us - cause we buy the 24 pack of Charmin Ultra Soft Super Roll. I've received a lot of compliments on my toilet paper, come to think of it...

4. Have you ever had a surprise party thrown for you? Or have you had one for someone else?

The only "surprise party" I had thrown for me I didn't show up to. I was having my own birthday party with all my friends at my house (I lived with my dad) when my mother called and asked why I wasn't at her house. Because I wasn't supposed to be.

I've never been part of a surprise birthday part for someone else that I can remember. We had one for Dad when he came back from Drill in Louisiana. Grandma told us it was going to be a surprise and my sweet six year old sister was talking to him on the phone and said, "We're going to have a birthday party for you, but don't tell, it's a surprise." I'm not sure who she thought the surprise was for.

5. What is one material possession that you "can't live without"?

Wow... "can't live without" is pretty strong. Most people are saying their cell phone, but I kinda dig being disconnected from people now and then. I could say my car, but I went several years without a car and it didn't kill me. It was inconvenient, but I lived. Now I think it's a toss up between the dishwasher and the washing machine... I'm going to go with dishwasher. I love that I can load it, run it when it's full and I don't really have to put the clean dishes away if I don't want because they're already organized and out of sight. With the washing machine once the clothes are dried I have another mess on my hands. Dishwasher, final answer.